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Getting Serious About: Social Media Part 2

There was something else about social media I wanted to address that I forgot to mention in the last post. Social media has a bigger influence on us than just who we follow and what we put on the page. The addition of features such as “favorites” “likes” “retweeting” and ads have expanded the reach of social media into even more areas of my life. There is a such thing as online peer pressure now; facebook will suggest pages for me to like, telling me which friends of mine have already liked it. Even if I follow a select amount of people carefully chosen to influence me positively, there are still featured posts and promoted tweets that make it into my timeline that I don’t follow or endorse.

The worse thing may be the ads. I can’t tell you how many times ads on Facebook have unsettled me. I could have just left off reading the Word and praying and have decided to be content in the season I am in, and here comes Facebook with an ad for Verragio engagement rings. I’ve just decided to trust God’s timing with when I’ll be finished with this book and should market it, and here will come the ads for how to publish your book. It’s like their in my head.

If I read the statuses of my friends and they are in a different season of life and appear to be so happy getting married and having babies, I can be discontent, but I also feel happy for them because I know them and their stories. But there are times when the statuses and the ads get to be too much. I read a post by a high school classmate who had gotten a three book deal. When we were in school together, her love was theater production, and still is. I was the writer; everyone knew that. But here she was doing what I wanted to do. I’ve seen someone on twitter that I don’t know personally write a Christian book for women that has sold tremendously, like I hope my book will. But I am not there yet. I’ve seen so many people, many of whom I thought I would have beaten to milestones get married, have children, advance in their careers, find success with their dream jobs, move forward, and instead of feeling joy, I just felt upset that it didn’t seem to be my time for anything, not one thing.

These are the times when no amount of unfriending and unfollowing will do. The ads will still pop up; strangers’ blogs will suddenly reference all of these things happening for them. The only thing to do at that point is to draw back from the social media rat race. Last year, I did a social media fast for a couple weeks. I felt like I couldn’t hear God through all of the information I took in from so many different sources online. I was so discontent and disappointed and disenchanted. I needed to get clear on my purpose and my focus. I needed to allow God to tell me where I was and why, and not everyone else. Whether they were inspirational or inspired me to jealousy, I backed away from them and read the Bible.

It was hard at first, but it got easier. I was able to see that I wasn’t where I wanted to be, nor had I put in all the work I need to put in, to be properly situated for the things I wanted. It’s easy to forget that people aren’t posting every step of their journeys everyday of their lives online. You only see what they want you to know: when times are celebratory or things are happening that they may have been working on for years. You don’t always see when they argue with their spouses or are disappointed with their children.You don’t always see when they want to be alone and can’t get away from their families. You don’t see when the deadline is near and they have nothing to write about. We miss all of the sowing and are judging ourselves by the reaping, and it’s not fair to us.

There are days when I don’t write posts because I’m tired, it’s been a long day, and I have other things to do. Then there are days when I don’t feel like I have anything interesting or inspired to say. I have to keep up a certain high standard of posting. I have to know what people need to hear or are interested in so that I have something relevant to say. Blogging was supposed to be freeing, but if I give in to the pressure to try and gain followers and get views, it’s not freeing or fun anymore. I’m not serving my purpose in posting.

What am I saying? In addition to being cognizant of who we follow and what we put out for public consumption, be cognizant of the feelings provoked by ads. Realize that you are seeing what one twitter user calls the “highlight reel” of someone’s life, not the dailies. When it gets to influencing you to much or you see yourself compromising your character, withdraw from it. Put some distance between you and negative influences and renew your strength. Control the flow of information.

That’s my two cents, anyway. Feel free to leave yours in the comment section.


Note: this wasn’t the post I was supposed to be writing today, but I wanted to finish my thoughts on social media before moving on. The real post is still in the works.

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Getting Serious About: Social Media

I said in a previous post that people we friend on Facebook, follow on twitter, or follow their blogs are in a unique position to influence us. It used to be that we were only influenced by our friends, but in the digital age, we can have “friends” across the globe. We can follow celebrities and see for ourselves exactly how they are feeling and what they are doing. With the diluge of information we are exposed to, it is easier to believe that individual things we read or follow are inconsequential, but this is not the case.

The main thing that brought this issue to the forefront for me was the announcement of Janet Jackson’s wedding this week. In this world of the overshare, Janet Jackson has always managed to keep her private life private. Janet Jackson could be 11 kinds of crazy, be into all sorts of weird things, and we would never know it. I don’t know if she practices any religion or any other personal details that haven’t been carefully run by a publicist before sharing. I may not agree with some of the things I do know about her lifestyle, but it would be hard to accuse her of being too forthcoming.

Between what we allow ourselves to be exposed to and influenced by in social media, and what we put on social media to be scrutinized by others, I see many pitfalls and opportunities to be pulled off track if one is trying to get serious about their lives. Associations are king in our society. The saying has been for years “it’s not what you know but who you know.” If you want to get serious about your life, whether career-wise, relationship-wise, in your Christian walk, or otherwise, you will need to get a hold on your social media associations.

We all know that employers check facebook, LinkedIn, and other accounts to evaluate candidates. Most people have taken off incriminating pictures or set their profiles to private to combat this. We are aware that many relationships have been negatively impacted by Facebook statuses, a relationship status on Facebook, a tweet or Instagram pictures, whether they be friendships or romantic relationships. We can see the influences, but yet, so many of us can’t seem to grasp the delicate balance between being open and telling things that should be kept private, between sowing seeds in our conscience through social media associations and our feelings or actions. So how do you balance interacting with friends through social media and putting your best digital foot forward?

I have three friends who have recently gotten married. They run the range from putting every detail of their lives on Facebook to only updating occasionally. One went from in a relationship to changing her profile picture to one of her walking down the aisle on her father’s arm. One sent out a facebook message as I sat waiting for her to walk down the aisle. One only posted when she got engaged, a week before, and the day of the wedding. Neither of this is inherently wrong. Where we draw the line depends on what we hope to accomplish.

The first thing to note is that anything we put out for public consumption is subject to be scrutinized and judged. Whether you ask for it or not, you are subject to outside input on anything that you share. Furthermore, it’s hard for love not to keep a record of wrongs if you have documented those wrongs on Facebook, Twitter, and everywhere else. It is the social media age’s equivalent of telling your friends all about your relationship; they will still be mad when the two of you have smoothed it over. Don’t say you don’t want people in your relationship if you are volunteering information about it for people to judge. Find someone you can trust, and who may be able to help, and talk to them about it, not the world.

The second thing is to make sure whatever you post or share is in line with your beliefs and the life you want to live for Christ. We are to avoid the appearance of evil; it shouldn’t even look like it might be sinful. I shouldn’t be holding bottles of alcohol, wearing revealing clothes, smoking, or “dropping it low” in pictures on any profile I maintain. I shouldn’t have derogatory language all over said profile, either. I shouldn’t reserve all my sanctity and holiness for Sunday when the whole week could use some.

When we are deciding who to follow or befriend, it is important for us to see the influence they can have on our lives. Am I following them because they say mean things about other people that I find funny? Am I following them to be envious and/or judgmental about what’s going on in their lives? Is this association helping or hindering me in pursuing the life I want to live?

I’m not saying that you can’t follow anyone who you find funny or interesting. I’m not saying you can only follow people who say “praise Jesus” at the end of everything. I’m saying that evil communications (or associations) still corrupt good morals. The universal laws that God put in place have not changed. We can’t say we aren’t being influenced by pop culture or media if all we do is consume hours of negative and sinful images and messages and don’t consume any of God’s word. I’m all for enjoying your life and having fun, but choose your associations wisely.

Are there any associations you need to let go of or cultivate? How has social media influenced your attitude and actions?

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Time Wasted!

I think I may be drunk on free time with this whole experience. It’s kind of remarkable what I’ve been able to focus on and do in the nearly two weeks without social networking. I made a doctor’s appointment, which will be this Thursday, and I got copies of all three of my credit reports for free from I’ve been to the gym a couple times and out on the trail again. I bought new shoes for exercising (OK–MH bought me new shoes for exercising). I’ve been writing and reading. I cleaned up a beach with my co-workers (a beautiful beach in Ponce Inlet). I’ve survived meetings at work.

That last one may not sound like it fits, but the thing is, I’m not very involved in the office meetings. I’ve been encouraged to bring a book or something to do until they need me. I usually have my phone and do a quick check of Facebook or Twitter, or I read blogs from my Google reader. I’ve been through three meetings so far, but today is the real test: the full day of meetings. I have to make sure I’m prepared with a good book, a notebook to write in, and other non-social media related things to do, like maybe a puzzle book. Wish me luck.

Now that this challenge is almost over, I feel like I’ve accomplished something. I have definitely brought the focus back to me–from my health, to my finances, to where I want to live when my lease is up, to concentrating at work. I’ve freed up a lot of time to write and read. I finally watched things I’ve been meaning to watch. I got new pillows. It’s been a great run. The trick will be to continue leading a balanced life once 12:01am Friday signals the end of my two weeks sans social networking, to continue to focus on my own journey and not spend so much time comparing myself to others.

I’m so excited my doctor’s appointment falls before the end of the two weeks. I get to ask about the problems I’ve been having physically when I run and get a professional answer instead of scouring the interwebs. I get to have an answer other than to try and push myself anyway. Pray for a clean bill of health for me, or some proactive steps towards one.

More later…

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Things to Do When You’re Not Social Networking

My name is ***, and I’m a social network-aholic. It’s been six days since my last tweet, facebook post, and google reader check. You may be wondering what I’ve been up to and how I’ve been fairing. You may even be wondering what I’m learning from all of this.

For one thing, I’m learning to do things with my time other than check social networking sites. I went to the gym yesterday and the day before to try new classes like I planned to do. I have written on my memoir and watched movies. I have read most of my library books. I have been a lot more productive than usual.

I’m also finding that while my opportunities to compare myself with other people have been reduced significantly, there are still plenty of opportunities for comparison. I saw two people I work with while I was at the gym yesterday–both very skinny ladies with no stomachs. Neither was in class with me, but I had the urge to compare. I shrugged it aside.

The gym is a place so ripe for comparisons to be made. It is a place where competitiveness is tacitly encouraged. From what kind of workout gear someone is wearing to how good their form is, there’s always something to evaluate. Being in this competitive environment, you would think that I would be struggling more with comparisons. But I have been in classes where I have to focus on myself and push myself. I have to get out of my own way. Even if all I can focus on is what hurts or what jiggles, I’m working on keeping the focus on me.

That’s not to say it’s all been sunshine and puppies. I’m trying to break the habits of years here; a few days is a drop in the bucket. I still have to override my natural tendency to negative thinking and comparison. But I’m working on it, not just wishing it would be different.

I’m making a to be read list of books I want to read. I am making headway on my fitness initiatives. I am writing again. I occasionally want to check and see what is happening with other people, and I want to post about all the things I’m able to notice now that I’m not so busy comparing myself to others, but I feel like a Vivian Green song:

I like it, but I don’t need it. ‘Cause I like it don’t mean I need it.

What I’m learning from all of this is that my own journey is pretty interesting, at least to me. There are things I can actually do to move forward if I take the time to do them. I don’t have to do the same old things every single day and wish for something to happen to change my life. I can do it, a little at a time.

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The Love Chronicles Interlude: Honesty Box

I’m sure you all have heard by now that Facebook is breaking up happy homes all across the land and country. The argument is that Facebook provides you with easy access to everyone from your high school sweetheart to the stripper you hired for a friend’s bachelor party to the random guy who lived in your dorm or had Statistics with you. Whenever you’re feeling discontented with your relationship, you can hop on Facebook and see if you’ve “still got it” so to speak by chatting it up with one of your 800 friends. The one thing I hadn’t counted on was the honesty box.

You may remember the honesty box. It was all the rage a couple of years ago on Facebook. With this app, you could leave anonymous messages for someone. It evolved to the point where  your honesty box could ask a specific question, and eventually to the point where you could “pay” (using points, I believe) to find out who the anonymous sender was.

I didn’t think too much about the responses that I got to my honesty box questions until I got a message that said this guy (Anon.) thought I was beautiful and he had a crush on me. He went on to add a but–a big but. What was the but?

I was busily racking my brain over the first part of this message when the second part filtered through:but I am married and happy.” Umm, what? At the time, I knew quite a few people who were married, but no one I would think had a crush on me. To be honest, I couldn’t think of anyone, married or not, that had a crush on me since that one guy in the fifth grade (which is a whole other Love Chronicles installation :D).

Now it was bothering me. Never mind that he (whoever he was) was married and happy, and I was in a long term relationship. I didn’t want to date him; I just wanted to know who it was. You can’t leave a comment like that and then go on about your life!

Which isn’t exactly true. I’d done it more than once. I’d told guys I had crushes on them through their honest box. I told them how great their bodies were, etc. I never revealed who I was either. I’m sure there are a few guys out there who were scratching their heads trying to figure out who was behind that little pink bar expressing crushes and all manner of silliness.

I thought about if it would be worth it to offer some points in exchange for finding out that person’s identity. But then I thought: do I really want to know? I mean, what if it had truly been a missed opportunity, someone I had really liked? Knowing that wouldn’t make it any less missed. I was in a relationship that I really enjoyed and he was married. It was nice to hear that someone out there thought I was beautiful, but I already had someone to tell me that. Who knows what was going on in his household at that time, or what made him send  that honesty box message? Casual little things like that, when followed up on, can lead to some pretty bad consequences (broken homes/relationships, etc.).

I’m not trying to over-dramatize the situation or put more importance on it than it should have, but it does show that Facebook can be a slippery slope. In the end what did I end up saying to this message?

Wow, are you sure you have the right person? Wasn’t aware that anyone had a crush on me…but that’s a beautiful compliment. Thank you!

I didn’t try to find out who he was or say anything meaningful back other than a thank you. I believe that everything happens for a reason, in its time, according to God’s purpose. I don’t think there’s anything I’m missing. Mr. Perfect and I have a good relationship. I’d rather watch movies with him falling asleep (and swearing he isn’t) beside me than be whisked around the world by some other guy. I don’t know what the future will bring, and as they say “ain’t no ring on my finger,” but I’m not looking for anyone else. But I can take a compliment. 😉

I hope you enjoyed this little interlude, and that it gave you something to think about. How would you deal with an ex or crush contacting you on Facebook or any other social media? Have you reached out to an old flame on FB? How did it go? Do you believe facebook has anything to do with relationships failing? Leave your two cents in the comments section or email me at 2blu2btru4u[at]gmail[dot]com.

Up Next in The Love Chronicles: Cyrano de Bergerac

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The Love Chronicles: Drunk Texting

*If you missed the others in the Love Chronicles Series up to this point, I chronicled my first I love you, my problem with dating and friends, and even discussed the social networking site Blackplanet in an interlude. Here is the continuation of the chronicles, picking up where You & My Best Friend left off.

Previously on the Love Chronicles:

Looking back, I wonder who handled their jones for the best friend better. B-Boy had at least waited a good amount of time and went for what he wanted, while I…well, I would never know. That is, I wouldn’t if I hadn’t sent that facebook message…

The Love Chronicles: Drunk Texting

It’s truly amazing what having too much time for introspection can lead to. IN my case, one of those things was the social networking equivalent of a drunk text message that ended in quite possibly the nicest letdown ever.

The thing with Quentin was over before it even began, yet it didn’t end easily. Looking back, it was probably a bad case of not knowing wat to do on both of our parts. He probably didn’t want to see me because he thought I would make it awkward, and I avoided him because he seemed to make it a point to ignore/exclude me if we did happen to be in the same location (besides, let’s face it: I WAS awkward). I took it (whatever it was) well enough to want to be adult about it and move on, but I didn’t know how if he refused to cooperate. In any event, we wanted to avoid each other, which shouldn’t have been hard to do on a campus of nearly 50,000. He was in a science major; I was an English major. It was a large campus. It should have worked. Only the Black population was much smaller.

The only one in this situation who acted normally was Trent. He would speak to me, invite me to the Black Student Union events. He was never without a smile or a kind word for me. Not only was he handsome & kind, he was intelligent. I was smitten.

In retrospect, Trent was probably just being a gentleman. He saw a socially awkward freshman (and sophomore, and junior…) who always came to events alone, stood on the periphery a while, and left alone. He knew I used to be friendly with his best friend, yet now he seemed to think better of the association. It didn’t take much for him to be nice when we crossed paths. I acknowledge that…in retrospect.

But in September of 2006, amidst months of self-reflection, I regretted not telling him how much I appreciated that niceness. I also regretted not telling him how much I liked him. I wasn’t going to school with him anymore, and I didn’t owe anything to Quentin. It was my year of pursuing what I wanted. There was no way I was going to live with this huge “what if” hanging over me. I had done that long enough.

So I took to facebook.

I can’t claim drunkeness (I’ve never been drunk in my life); it was more a misguided attempt at no regrets bolstered by late night Facebooking with a high school friend and too many Betty Neels Harlequins.

For your entertainment, an excerpt of my very long message (yes, I save EVERYTHING…even embarrassing things like this:

First of all, I don’t know why I’m doing this, except I’m not in Indiana anymore, and life’s too short to leave things undone, so…

…I had a crush on you. Nothing major, just thought you were a nice guy, and nice looking…I just thought I’d say, whether it made an impression on you or not, just you’re being nice to me at the time you were… really meant a lot, and even though nothing ever came of it, I’m glad I met you. I still think you’re a nice guy. God bless.

 And I got this response back:

I think you are a really nice person too 2blu2btru.  I’m also glad to have met you.  I know you will do great things in the future.  I’m glad I was able to make you smile.

I must admit, I was sad it didn’t end like a harlequin romance novel, but at least I went after something I wanted, and I didn’t have to wonder what if.

Next up in The Love Chronicles: Cyrano de Bergerac

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The Social Network

Before the movie The Social Network began to get buzz in Hollywood ahead of its theatrical release, I’d never thought much about the kind of person/personality behind a site like Facebook. Once the movie began to generate the aforementioned buzz, it crossed my mind that this person would be someone most people wouldn’t “like.” Most geniuses, especially those of the computer/technical variety, don’t do well with social interaction for one of two reasons (usually): either they are shy or they are megalomaniacal. Due in large part to the previews, I assumed Mark Zukerberg to be the latter.

Only, the way the movie portrayed Mark Zukerberg was (thankfully) more layered than I’d expected. At the core, his motives were universal to teens/college students–to be cool, be accepted, to fit in with an exclusive crowd. He wanted to have the three P’s–power, popularity, and praise. To a much lesser extent, he wanted money.

When I watch a movie, five things stick out to me: character, plot, setting, cinematography (what little I know about it), and the all important one liners/dialogue. Here’s my take five for The Social Network.

Characters: The Mark Zuckerberg character was classic–bored computer genius with a dash of biting sarcasm, dying to be popular but not wanting to let it show; obsessed with being cool; socially inept (to the point of rudeness). The speech pattern that the actor gave him was spot on to most of the tech people I talk to. Not only did he have the “geek speech pattern” down, he also had the mannerisms down. Indeed, most of the “geeks” did a good job portraying this college subset.

Edouardo was played very well. I think the actor did a great job of escalating Edouardo’s feelings of being shut off and made his motivations clear, so it didn’t seem he was overplaying the part when he got angry.

The Shaun Parker character was pretty well acted as well. JT made me forget he was JT. 

Lastly, the twins were hilarious. Every time the twins were onscreen, I laughed about something.

 Plot: First of all, let me start with the “bad.” The love angle was WEAK. I’m sorry, I don’t believe it. It wasn’t that the acting was bad or anything; it just didn’t make sense. Whether it’s true or not, I just don’t buy it. Also, the way they portrayed Zuckerberg discovering the need for a relationship status could have been cut. It was just silly. The timeline was murky. I had thefacebook very early, and I had tagging well before the time I think it was when they mentioned it in the movie. I almost wanted a little date to show up on the bottom in parts. I know the pacing was set to convey the whirlwind of the phenomena, but help me keep up with the timeline. Lastly, I didn’t like how they wrapped up action of the movie. I was dissatisfied with the last exchange between Zuckerberg and the person he was talking to. It went too fast, wrapped things up to quickly, and the last thing said to him was like hitting me over the head with something that, if I was even remotely paying attention, I would have been able to conclude on my own. We got it, already!

As for the good elements: I think the issue of intellectual property was dealt with well. They did a great job of progressing the development of the site. The explanation of the concept of facebook–to move the social experience online and have it be cool–was interesting. I liked the way they arranged the story to be told alternating between the hearings and when the events actually happened.

Setting/Cinematography: I liked the dark mood created by much of the cinematography of the story, contrasted by the almost blinding light of the hearings. The bar scene at the beginning was amazing to watch because of the contrast of what they were saying to where they were saying it. The darkness of the scenes made them feel secretive, shady, a little less than above board, while the lightness of the hearings added to the feeling of everything being dragged out into the open.

One Liners/Dialogue: I loved the “why does your status say ‘single’?” line because it was true to life (I’ve seen people having these conversations). I think one of the funniest exchanges in the movie was “Why do you keep saying I don’t have to study?” “You go to BU.” (Note: I know a few  people that went to BU, so this was doubly funny to me.) In fact, this whole opening exchange was funny. As aforementioned, the wrap up at the end, in my opinion, was a misstep. Other than that, the dialogue was spot on.

I feel about this movie the same way I feel about Inception: it was a solid movie, not exceptional in a great movie season, but when it came out, is was among the best simply because it was good. From what I hear, Black Swan, The King’s Speech, and 127 Hours by and large blows this film out of the water. It’s a good film, with strong acting, a solid plot, good cinematography, and a top notch script. I was thoroughly satisfied with my $.75 purchase (I saw this at our discount theater that has $.75 movies on Tuesdays).

My rating: ****/A

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Confession Time, and Day 2

I have a confession to make about day 2. I let a minor crisis get me off track. I have no gas in the car and had no idea how I would get to work. After posting this on Facebook (because that’s what we do now, right?), I laid around watching the Australian Open on DVR. The next thing you know, it’s after 10pm and my Dad is calling me about his book cover and sending me his manuscript to edit. So I didn’t work out yesterday.

But I’m not willing to be defeated so early in a challenge, so I did some self-instructed yoga this morning–sun salutations A and B, some warrior I and triangle poses, and lots of plank. I noticed my chattaranga is really weak, but my planks are strong. I didn’t feel like doing crescent pose, so I went with my feeling on that one. When I finished, I had a delicious sheen of sweat, and a trickle down the center of my back. It was a good practice, once I got my head to stop distracting me.

So I’ll get in a workout tonight and that will put me back on track workout wise. There’s so many other things I want to talk about, but a coworker is coming to pick me up. More later.

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Privatizing Twitter

Today I set my twitter to private, not to say crazy things about people or talk about someone that isn’t following me, but because I realized something: I have to be in control of information about me and my life that’s being read by the masses. I can’t get upset if someone reads something on my twitter and causes drama about it, taking it out of context or not. People that I like or don’t like, that I would or wouldn’t want reading my thoughts have access to it. There are very few people I don’t want to share with, but the best solution is to set my account to private and be in control of the gates, to ensure people looking to start drama don’t have any ammunition from me. Once I figure out how to change my privacy settings satisfactorily on Facebook, I will change those, too. My blogs are all open to the public. I like it that way. If it’s that deep you can leave me a comment or email me through my contact me link. Or be mad at home; that’s cool too. I’m closing off access to myself to keep the negativity out.

A friend told me a long time ago, the summer before 9th grade, that positive energy creates elevation; I’m trying to fly.

Be blessed and have a good weekend! Major changes coming soon!

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Facebook Friends

girlfriends_0_0_0x0_432x394I remember when we were more than Facebook friends, carefully crafting replies to each other’s lives in status updates, searching for comment-garnering, hot button things to say in said statuses; before we needed the promise of anonymity and a box to be honest with one another. I can’t remember the last time you called, or if you even have my phone number. To be honest, I am forgetting what your voice sounds like. My memories of you and I play like silent movies with moodicons and internet vernacular subtitles. I smh, you lol, and we are both ROTFL, but over what? –My paper journal

Now, this isn’t directed at anyone in particular, so don’t get your hopes up that I am talking about you, but this has been on my mind lately. I am finally as grounded as I can be in my job and living situation, in my romantic relationship, and in my belief system, and I look up only to realize that at this phase in my life, I don’t have a close circle of friends around me, people I can call on to be there for me when I really need someone to talk to or someone needs to give me a good talking to. Someone who can keep a secret, share a pizza, watch girlie movies with, get our nails and hair done, exercise with. There aren’t any females that I really connect with on any meaningful levels.

I have a lot of facebook friends who used to be real friends, people I called on the phone and that called me, people who would pick up the phone when I had an “I hate life” status and call me to see what was going on. There are people I spent a lot of my life with, not just knowing them casually, but people that I clung to and that clung to me when we didn’t have anyone else. People you couldn’t have told me I wouldn’t always hear from or see.

I am not going to be one of those people to blame it all on Facebook, to say that people no longer know how to interact with real people socially because they spend so much time on Facebook, Twitter, and MySpace. I do think that Facebook allows you to keep your most shallow human connections alive; people who should have fallen away, like barnacles, are there commenting on your status like it’s ’93 all over again. But what about all those other people, people who I did actually like and spoke to? Is it the time tested process of people falling away who were only supposed to be a part of certain years and experience, or am I “losing” friends because of some other reason?

Females suck. They are petty. They stab each other in the back. They will slit another woman’s throat to get to her good man. They will scandalize your name behind your back and praise you to your face. They will hold on to your darkest secret and spill it when it will hurt you the most. They eat the nicer of their sex. They spend their entire lives trying to be just that much better than the next chick in stilletoes with a funky attitude and cute clothes. They starve themselves. They’re clingy. They’re jealous and suspicious and trust is hard to come by.

But women can be warm. They can be charming. They love with everything they have, even when it seems it’s not returned. They have an open couch and an open ear. They will fight for you. They buy you silly cards and your favorite ice cream to cheer you up. They let you know you don’t need a man. They tell you when you look great. They tell you when your man is doing dirt. They trust you with their children. They call you just to see how you are and talk for hours about the good old days. They take notes for you when you’re sick. They burn you copies of their new CDs when you’re broke and can’t afford it. They understand you even when you don’t make logical sense to anyone with a penis. They just know.

So, if you are a real friend, let me know. Call me. Send me a note. I’ll even accept a comment here or a Facebook message. Heck, if you want to start a support group for women who are too old for childish female games and would like to find real women to befriend, I’ll accept suggestions on getting that started too.

I’m going to go watch something on Netflix to review. My personal entries are random, rambling, and boring. I’ll try to do better.