Posted on

Day 1: Naked in the Morning

alarm clock, bought from IKEA
alarm clock, bought from IKEA (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is your new thing now

Naked as a rose

Everything exposed

But not quite

This is your new thing now

Cards out on the table

A genius with no label

But not quite, not quite

                                                -Shawn Colvin

                                            New Thing Now

When I wake up in the morning, I am a mess. My hair is sticking out in every direction. My sleepwear is bunched up in uncomfortable places. There is crust in my eyes and maybe the dried crust of a trickle of saliva running along one cheek if I’ve had a good sleep. There are creases on one side of my face. A limb that was slept on wrong is asleep and shoots tiny pinpricks of pain up an arm of leg when I try to use it. My neck has a crook in it. I can barely see. Not to mention the non-physical effects: I am a bit fuzzy. Sometimes I don’t know where I am for a moment or two. I can be startled by the alarm clock and nearly jump out of my skin. I am trying to make sense of a half remembered piece of a dream. “Why was there crap stuffed down my throat that I was trying to shovel out with my fingers?” (This scatological nightmare will be revisited later). I am good for nothing until I’ve completed my first morning ritual. For me, this includes going to the bathroom, checking twitter, and having a glass of soda (pop).  Maybe you go to the bathroom, drink a cup of coffee, make your bed, or wash your face. Maybe you start off your day with a prayer. Once you get the ball rolling for the first few minutes, once you can come to yourself, then you can begin the task of getting yourself into an acceptable condition in which to interact with the world.

But let’s stay with you, au naturel, just waking up–when you stretch, rub your eyes; scratch something, just before you start your day; in those quiet moments when you are coming to yourself, who are you? We all have different roles that we have to play. Some of us are students; others are workers. Some of us are wives, mothers, sisters, friends, bosses, colleagues, fellow church members, and/or a fellow train or bus rider on the way to work. But who are we really?

When I was in high school, my ethics teacher taught this annoying exercise where we had to answer this question. There didn’t seem to be an appropriate answer. If you said you were a Christian, he said “That’s your religion.” If you said you were Italian, he said “that’s your nationality.” If you said you were a student, a republican, a fun loving person, a boxer, or a chain smoker, your answer was similarly wrong. I don’t know if we ever agreed to anything. While this annoyed everyone, it did serve to help us realize that the things that we put such stock in aren’t really “us.” There are so many things that make up who we are, it’s very difficult to sum us up with just one descriptive word.

I won’t attempt to make you do that, but I think it’s something to consider. I think that the fact that I am a Christian says a lot about me. Knowing that, there are certain things you would expect of me, some which are erroneous and some which are understood to be the characteristics of a Christian. However, it doesn’t tell you everything about me. Am I funny? Do I sing loud in my car? What’s my favorite color? Do I like children? What bad habit do I have that I want to break? How did I get that scar above my eyebrow?

Without factoring in anything you are for or to anybody else, I want you to tell me who you are. Who is the naked you? You can include whatever you want—except a picture of yourself nude. I want you to define yourself for yourself. BUT whatever you write, you have to include something that leaves you a little bit naked, a little exposed. It may be helpful for you to describe you morning routine. What are the first thoughts that you think each day?

Don’t forget to put one thing you like about yourself, your empowering song for the day (or painting, or whatever you’ve decided to use) and one thing you are grateful for in this entry. Also, if you feel comfortable, include a horrible bathroom picture of yourself so we can put a face to your posts.

Posted on

I’ve Been Here A Time or Two

“Here” is in a predicament where I will have to do some fancy footwork in order to right the boat I’m trying to sail towards the horizon in. The apartment thing is getting old. I have to get out of this apartment. I’ve been here nearly two years, and the rent has increased by over fifty dollars, I am always battling some insect or other (whether it be wasps building nests outside my door, palmetto bugs aka big flying roaches, spider colonies on my door, or roaches), and they held a rent check for months then posted it with another rent check and overdrafted my account phenomenally. I paid half of the check that bounced and a whole month’s rent, and have to come up with the rest today. It’s extremely hard to come up with an extra month’s rent on a fixed income, so other bills have had to go unpaid just to get this far.

So now I am looking for another apartment and trying my hardest to get my bills back on schedule. Because of my lease date, the really cheap, high quality semi-student housing is out–they won’t be leasing in my window. I could sign a 7 month lease at one place and put myself back in the window, but who wants to move twice in one year? Of course, there is the very distant possibility that I could get married and the 7 month lease will work well then as well, but we know from previous posts, that MensHealth is nowhere near making his mind up about that. If I did do the seventh month lease, when I moved to the semi-student housing, my bills would go down $200-300 instantly (rent & utilities) from the current rate. But I’d have to move twice.

I am so tired of struggling. I’ve had these same struggles before. As John Mayer sings “Don’t you think we oughta learned by now? Don’t you think we oughta learned somehow?” I am doing everything in my power to make this work, and it’s not working.

MensHealth and I are still pretty much in a holding pattern, no closer or farther away from married life and al that jazz. He got his promotion, but not the raise he wanted/expected. He is still preoccupied with other aspects of life. We spend every weekend together, and we meet up throughout the week when we are both free, but as far as I’ve been privy to, nothing has changed.

I went to the movies by myself last week. Aside from a few weeks before that, it had been a while since I had been alone. I have begun to branch back out and do things for me, like going out with one of my girlfriends for dinner, going to the movies alone, working on branding my other blogs, and trying to discover my fitness passion. I’ve been on the journey back to me a time or two as well.

The best thing about all of this is that I’ve seen it before. I’m not going through anything new. Hopefully, I’ve learned something from the previous time and can show you what I’ve learned.

I’ve been working on my “war strategies” all morning long. I’ve written down a plan of action and began making a list of what needs to change. It’s time to live & die by the lists again, I see. Here we go…

Day 1

Posted on

Day 1–Again

I have been doing well with a lot of my personal goals so far, but the one I quit on early was writing here everyday. I decided to pick it up again today. It will probably get a little boring, but I am always on the look-out for interesting topic. You can check the Twice Told Tales tab for any really good ones you may have missed (to be updated soon). So without further ado: friends and romantic relationships.

All of us know at least one person (usually female, unfortunately) who gets involved in a romantic relationship and loses touch with all of the friends they have. They get so single-minded in the pursuit of true love that we don’t see or hear from them anymore, until they come back heartbroken, if ever. I was always one of those dumped friends who was still around when the dust settled, but now that I am in a relationship, I can see how you can get caught up in it so deeply.

I’ve never had a lot of friends, and the ones I do have I’m very close with. I talked to them at least weekly . Mr. Perfect and I spend enough time apart that I am not taking away from our time to catch up with friends and family, work my second job once a month, and blog/ veg out watching Bones. If friends are available, I can go out to movies or do girl’s night things. I believe that relationships take time to grow & build; this includes friendships.

The other aspect I welcome your thoughts on is the aspect of friendly relations with your significant other’s friends. There may be that one friend he has that you don’t like, can’t understand why he likes them, or maybe you have a friend that rubs him the wrong way. You can’t erase those relationships (especially when most have been in their lives before you & may well be after), so how do you make nice & cope? Is there ever a your friend or me moment?

How do you balance the relationships in your life? Does it work? What ways have failed?