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Cheating in the Next Room…

BLACK SOUL SINGER JOHNNY TAYLOR PERFORMS AT TH...
I'm hoping my WIPs don't listen to this guy (Johnny Taylor) Image via Wikipedia

…is a blues song by Johnny Taylor. “Cheating in the Next Room” is about a woman talking on the phone to a man she is cheating with, making plans to meet up with him. Johnny is letting her know that he knows she has been faking lovemaking with him and has been meeting this other man. He tells her “that’s alright; I’ll soon be gone.” He is fed up and won’t take it anymore.

My writing can say the same thing about me. I’ve been “cheating” on some projects with other projects. I am supposed to be working on the short story project that I had the breakthrough on. Before I had that breakthrough, I was working on my memoir about college. Now I put the college memoir on the back burner, because I think the program I’m preparing for the high school students at church on Saturday would be the perfect place to begin the memoir (as it involves my college journey). Since the event hasn’t happened, I don’t have the opening. That’s understandable. I’m at a natural stopping point.

However, after talking to a real-life and blogging friend, I began to get really excited about another project that’s been on the backburner: possibly turning the marriage kits into a book. The thing is, making the marriage kits into a book will involve more than just compiling the interviews (and conducting more): I’ve noticed the book on weddings I’m reading has things to say about marriage. I have several other books, podcasts, and TV shows that speak to marriage that I frequently mine for information. I want to expand my interview pool. I want to research. I want to put away the short story project and work on this one, even though I know I’m supposed to return to the memoir after Saturday. I also know I will be doing more researching than writing working on the marriage kit project.

Does anyone else suffer from the lure of research over actual writing? I get so excited about some of the research I put into projects that I never get around to writing it until much later. How do you balance research with writing?

The greater question is how do you decide which project gets your time when your time is limited? I work full time, have an occasional second job, a boyfriend, a church I’m active in, my Dad’s book to format for Smashwords publication, and I want to have a little me time, so my writing time isn’t as extensive as I would like. When you don’t have time to do it all, what do you do? How do you keep a project on the backburner from burning up? This is my dilemma of the past few weeks. I’ve just went with it and done writing wherever my fancy has taken me, but I’ve not made much progress on ANYTHING. Help!

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Freestyle Friday

RTD: There’s nothing wrong with desiring some credit/recognition for doing things you’re “supposed” to do. Just because you’re “supposed’ to do it doesn’t mean it’s easy or even natural to do. There’s nothing wrong with seeing someone striving to do right and saying, “I see you. I know it’s not easy. I think what yo’re doing is admirable. Keep up the good work.–Notes from the Cubicle.

Mz. Trill call me back last night. I think that she’s still in love with her ex (insert Kelly Rowland song here). She never really broke up with him because she never really wanted to. I could be coy and say this is another reason I’m not sexually active (I’m not tied to a crazy by good peeps), but the fact of the matter is loving and sharing with someone, whether done “rightly” or “wrongly” still hurts to give up. Did he probably cheat? Yes. Did she cheat on Mr. Nice Guy? Yes. If her heart wasn’t in it, shouldn’t she have told him so? Absolutely. But it’s like all those black romance movies: the best choice isn’t always the choice we want, and when we try to force ourselve to make the smart choice in love, sometimes all we achieve is hurting innocent people. Even if she doesn’t want Nupe back, she didn’t let herself heal so she could bring a whole person to Mr. Nice Guy, crazy man or not. I think her best course would be to let go of both and concentrate on the two men in her life that really matter–my godsons. She’ll be ready for the right man someday, but for now, I would keep my babies close and my Bible closer (and not answer my door to lustful males).

This week has been really rough for me. I managed to make it with lots of prayer, but it’s been a really big struggle. I’ve been fighting a lot of despair & hopelessness. I feel a little crushed underfoot by life’s circumstances at the moment. I know my faith & optimism will come back eventually, but right now it’s nowhere in sight. There’s been a lot of loss, a lot of steps back in the past few years, and not enough steps forward. I keep thinking, “When will this period of testing be over so I can at least recover?” Hopefully soon.

I’ve got a long day in front of me of meeting with Gladys Mrs. V and getting her work done. I should probably be asleep already, but my mind won’t stop thinking, mulling over issues and problems. Maybe I’ll turn on a movie and veg until sleep claims me.

If I don’t get another chance to write before it’s over, have a great weekend everyone.

Peace, love & hairgrease,

2blu2btru

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You Cheated on Me…Didn’t You?

What do you consider cheating, and is that what your partner considers cheating? Most people I know (myself included) usually just assume that the other person agrees with their definition of cheating, as if there is a universally agreed upon definition, when there really isn’t. Some people don’t view sex with another person while they are married to someone else as cheating if their spouse knows about it. Some people think looking at someone else with lust is cheating. There aren’t any specific acts that everyone agrees constitute cheating or being unfaithful.

This was brought to my attention watching Unfaithful on Discovery. The subjects of the show were in a pretty straightforward case, but for another entry. The commercial for the series sparked a discussion that was interesting to say the least.

It’s usually easy to effectively relate what Mr. Perfect’s position on a subject to be. He states things very clearly, or I know the answer ahead of time. But when someone, anyone, says something you were not only not exxpected but are intinsically opposed to, you lose the exact meaning and qualifiers while composing a counterargument, are in shock, or are restraining yourself so they can finish their sentiment and not fully paying attention to what they are saying. In any case I am not as confident as usual in my recall of his exact views. Before my blaackout, I did manage to assimilate the impression that pretty much unless you are married, you have no obligations or claims beyond what you choose to do and what the other person chooses to allow, so you cannot cheat on that person as you have no real commitment/contract. He wouldn’t do it, cheating or not, but he doesn’t consider it being unfaithful because there is nothing to be unfaithful to. Well, that’s what I heard, but as I said, I got fuzzy after not considered cheating.

I must admit, I was shocked. I asked him if he could cheat on me, then? Wouldn’t be cheating, he says. No formal commitment. No contract.

In my opinion, if a relationship has been pronounced exclusive and monogamous, there can be cheating. Cheating is a breach of trust,. No matter what specific actions you think are cheating, it is because you trusted someone not to do something and they did it knowing you wouldn’t approve. Whether or not you have a right to be angry legally doesn’t matter. If Mr. P. cheated, I can’t take him to court, but he still cheated. I trusted him not to do A, expressed I didn’t like him doing A if we werre going to be in an exclusive relationship, he agreed not to do A. If he does A, he cheated. Period. What do I consider cheating? If you can’t do it in front of me without getting cut, cursed out, or, if I can keep from sinning. ending our relationship, it’s cheating, lol. Seriously, if you are emotionally connecting to awoman in a romantic way, or being physically intimate–touching sexually, kissing, sex or any kind. Phone sex counts too, as well as cyber sex.

It may be worse to cheat on a …spouse because you have a legally and spiritually binding contract, but having trust betrayed hurts the same in both cases. (P.S. Stupid phone!) Your thoughts?