Yesterday when I got home from work, I sat on the couch for at least ten minutes without blinking, my neck as tight as a the surface of a set of bongo drums. Seriously. It made me think that maybe I’ve been pushing myself a little hard this month. With the deadline to be done with the book a couple days away and so many changes in my work schedule recently, I am down to the dregs of my energy. I have written and revised nearly every day for over two weeks, on top of changing my work schedule to accommodate a coworker who is moving (and leaving the company) at the end of this week. I went to every night of the gospel meeting to bring in the month. I’ve been going, going, going…and now I’m gone.
Sitting on the couch, I could have burst into tears right then and I couldn’t tell you why I was so burned out. I know now that I will not make my writing deadline of being finished by the 15th. I think the goal was a good motivation to keep me writing, but I set it to be just short of unattainable so that I could push myself, but I think I pushed myself a little too far. And it’s time to rest.
I will continue to write until the fifteenth, then I’m going to take my planned three day weekend of rest days. I will clean up as much as possible before the carpet cleaners are scheduled to come on Friday morning, then I am going to give myself permission to do nothing.
I knew when I wrote the post about the calendar that I was going to fall down the rabbit hole of busyness again, but I thought it would be better than not moving forward. I hate not moving forward in any area in my life. The fact that I have an area of my life that I am not moving forward in is causing me to want to work like crazy to make sure that the other areas are moving forward at the highest acceleration possible. The next thing is always on my mind so that I can ignore this one little area. So as I’ve been writing and revising, I’ve been thinking of a cover design and investigating self-publishing options while trying to figure out a marketing strategy. My brain is racing a hundred miles an hour and I just can’t rest. From the time I open my eyes until I go to sleep, I can’t get my brain to stop.
So if you don’t hear from me until after Monday, assume I’ve been successful in being a master of nothing.