So far, we have had three very productive 4th Wednesday Marriage workshops this year. I for one have developed a deeper understanding of what marriage is for, what it entails, and who should be married. The last 4th Wednesday was geared more towards us singletons, entitled “It’s Better to Marry Than to Burn.” Most people, let alone Christians, are pretty familiar with this saying from I Cor. 7, but I’m not sure most people understand exactly what it means. OK, so I will admit I didn’t understand exactly what it meant.
A better translation of this can be found in the Amplified Bible:
But to the unmarried people and to the widows, I declare that it is well (good, advantageous, expedient, and wholesome) for them to remain [single] even as I do.
9But if they have not self-control (restraint of their passions), they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame [with passion and tortured continually with ungratified desire].
Before I read this, I assumed that it was better than to burn in Hell for fornication. I’m being completely serious. It never occurred to me that it was actually say it’s better to have a God-sanctioned way to quench sexual desire than to be tortured by ungratified desire. This puts things in a different perspective.
In the other lessons as well as this one, it is made plain that sexual desire is not the problem. The problem is operating outside of God’s will with regards to quenching those desires. God created us with a sexual drive that spurs procreation, but sex is also meant to be satisfying. You can have sex without the express purpose of procreation and still be a good Christian (if it’s with your husband or wife). You can ask for it and should receive it. In fact, you shouldn’t deny each other except by consensus for an agreed upon time.
I’m pleased to see that the church is making it plain that sex is not bad, but disobedience to God is. I think a lot of people get it so confused. When they do get married, many people can’t get over the mental programming that sex in itself is sinful. Putting parameters on the who and when is not a condemnation of the activity.
One day I hope to be married. I only hope to be as satisfied as our speaker seemed to be with my choice of a spouse in the sexual arena. If at first I’m not, it’s my right to inform my husband of this, and he should be as willing to learn what pleases me as I should be to learn what pleases him.
An interesting point was brought up in this article that I didn’t think about:
The defilement of God’s arrangement for sexual activity within the marriage relationship, is so serious that it’s the only cause He gives for divorce with the possibility of remarriage (Matt. 5:32; 19:9).
It’s time that we take sex more seriously, people! I’m not going to preach another fornication lesson (as you all must know I’m prone to do…for me as much as you) because that’s not the purpose of this post, but just know God is serious about this.
So, in summary: sex is good (great, even) when done according to God’s plan (i.e., within the marriage bed). Sexual desire is natural, and wanting sexual companionship doesn’t make you a bad person. Choosing to remain single and non-sexually active isn’t bad either. Let’s inform our teens and young adults of this.
I’m not going to tell you what I may or may not do in my marital bedroom, nor do I want you to tell me what goes on/will go on in yours, but just know the marriage bed is undefiled and if it isn’t sinful and you both like it, I love it.
That’s my two cents, anyway. Leave yours in the comments section.
- Actual Signs That Your Partner Wants To Marry You (thegloss.com)
- Runaway Bride: reasons to run from dating a non-Christian (veritasmizzou.wordpress.com)
- Why I signed the ‘Coalition for Marriage’ Petition – by Lizzie Schofield (resistanceandrenewal.net)
- Maintaining Sexual Self-Control (rmhic.wordpress.com)
- Virtuous Sex? (philosophystone.wordpress.com)