The past few weeks for me have been taken up with having difficult conversations, getting back into writing, learning new things on my job, and more marriage seminar things. Needless to say, it’s not been an easy few weeks.
It can be hard for me to vocalize what I want (hard to believe, I know, when in writing I have an opinion on everything), especially when it comes to relationships. In relationships, you can’t just state what you want and move on; you have to clarify, listen to what the other person wants, make a decision on how to handle any conflicts; it gets stressful. But those conversations have to be had, whether it’s the “where is this going?” conversation, the “this isn’t going anywhere” conversation or the “this is what I want; are you on the same page?” conversation.
I’ve had difficult conversations at work and in my relationship this month. There’s just something about the first month of a new year that inspires evaluation and discussion. Everyone wants to know where they are so they can plan where they are going. Direction becomes so important.
As I’ve said many times before, I can understand how people can become caught up in the ring and planning the ceremony, etc., but for me, it’s about the relationship. However, you do need to get married for the marriage relationship to start. I’ve struggled with walking the fine line between being in a relationship with someone and being “committed” to it while not falling into having a pseudo-marriage relationship outside of marriage. I also don’t want to be in a relationship forever without getting married. I don’t idly date; I am in a relationship to get married. But how long is too long to be in a relationship with no ring? These are the things that I’ve been dealing with.
As my job situation begins to become more settled, I am taking on more and more tasks/responsibilities. I am dealing with inner office relationships and learning the chain of command, who is supposed to handle what, what I need to run by who before it gets done, what’s a priority and what gets put off for things that are priority. Going from being a “department of one” as far as day to day interaction, to a shared resource between two departments has called for a steep learning curve and some review of business etiquette.
Our church has decided to dedicate every fourth Wednesday to a discussion on Marriage and Family as a way to continue the marriage and family workshop. Last night, we went through the vows and what they actually mean, whether individuals really understand what they are signing up for. On top of having difficult relationship conversations this whole month, this really helped me to put things into perspective. I left with a lot to think about and a lot to decide on.
As uncomfortable as some of the discussions have been, as much as I’ve wanted to avoid some of these discussions a little longer because I didn’t know how it would turn out, I’m proud of my new proactiveness and assertiveness.