It’s a Question of Time

I’m always curious to know what other people think about things– not to reinforce or contradict what I think, but just to see where everyone else in tge world is. I accepted a long time ago that I’m not in step with most people, and I find the differences fascinating.

What I especially love is when people give definitive answers to subjective questions, because then you get to see what someone thinks will work for everyone. Many people dance around drawing any definite boundaries or saying something has to be a certain way, but through the wonders of the internet, some people are unashamed to tell you what to do with your life. And I like it.

The two posts I am referring to specifically are posts on Black and Married With Kids. They each ask a question: how long to date before getting married, and how long to be engaged? The writers gave a similar response for both questions: somewhere between 1-2 years. The commentary was largely in agreement, with others giving outliers of personal experiences, both of themselves and people they know. Most commentors dismiss most reasons given for longer courtship or engagements as excuses. Just get married already!

Being no stranger to the when are you getting married question and having been in a relationship longer than the prescribed amount of time, I find this a fascinating phenomenon: that we live in a society that punishes us for conformity on the one hand, and condemns us for not being “normal” one the other. This isn’t just in relationships, but with our weight/appearance, sexuality, etc. I can be homosexual and you can’t say that’s wrong, but being a virgin at a certain age leaves you open to scientic research style study, ridicule, and scorn. Being deathly skinny gets whispers behind your back, but being obese gets embarrassing commercials, public ridicule at comedy shows, and exhortations to get skinny by any means necessary. We are a nation of hypocrites, my friends.

But getting back to the question of time. I want to know what you think about this. How long is too long to dat or be engaged? What is the hold up? What’s the rush?

Xoxo

2blu2btru

One Comment

  1. I don’t mean to dance around a definitive answer, but I don’t know how a ‘normal’ length of courtship or engagement could possibly be determined. That would be like making a sweater in one size and claiming it will fit everyone perfectly.

    For instance, if a couple goes out on dates two or three times a week, they will get to know each other at a quicker pace than a couple who sees each other once a week.

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