For the First Time in A Long Time…

For the first time in a long time, I hear that tiny voice whispering “maybe it’s just not meant to be.” What “it” is depends on when you catch me:

Maybe I’m not meant to run a 5K, let alone a half marathon.

Maybe I’m not meant to be published again in my lifetime; maybe I’m not meant to write books.

Maybe I’m not meant to marry.

Maybe my life isn’t meant to be any more than it is right now.

It’s not too often that I get maudlin or let these types of thoughts overtake me, but it’s been a rough few months one way and another since I returned from my trip home. It’s sad that after the big revelation I had there (which you can read about in a guest blog on Monday over at Cordelia Calls It Quits) I am now financially behind, having career growth envy, and generally feeling stuck. I’m fast sliding into “I don’t care” territory, which is a scary place to be. It feels as if someone hit pause on my life, and I can’t get it moving again.

I’m frustrated. Not much rattles me, but the last few days, I’ve felt rattled. I know it will all work out & come right in the end, but it’s just one of those times when I want to sneak a peek ahead and see how it all works out.

My co-workers & I are going to the gym for CX Worx and cardio. I’m hoping a little endorphin action will lift my funk. How do you get over your blues? I’ve got a good workout with coworkers, my favorite meal, and a movie on tap.

3 Comments

  1. I know exactly how you feel … but you’ve got to try to remain positive. Things will work out. Things happen for a reason. Just trust. I’m really trying to live Oprah’s “let go and let God.” Good luck, sending positive thoughts!

  2. Been there, done that. Trust me. It will get better, but it just may take a little longer than you are comfortable with. I feel ya. I am all about the working out etc. to not “give-up”, but I can tell you what has gotten me out of a ditch a time or two. I stop. I spend a little more time doing…..nothing. Seriously. Sometimes we just need room to breathe. We need to be comfortable with being in a quiet room by ourselves. Sleeping doesn’t count. I paint, watch movies, read, paint my nails, do yoga in my living room with no music, take long bubble baths….and do laundry. Folding clothes calms me. I may be off, but it seems the way your rant has been written, you have faith in something bigger than yourself. Trust it. We have been brainwashed into thinking business in productive. Not always so. Pslam 46:10 says Be still and know that I am God.
    I have to remind myself to stop trying to do everything on my own all the time. I don’t have the answers to your maybes, but I can pass along what I have come to know to be true. When you let go of control, you actually gain it. Give yourself some space for about a week. No social activities. Work, and do whatever you want, but not with anyone you know. Do it alone. On your day(s) off, put yourself on house arrest for at least 24hrs and TURN OFF YOUR PHONE! I hope this helps. Sending a hug your way. 🙂

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