I’m in a Regina Belle/ JT kind of mood right now. I’ve been contemplating the concept of forever in regards to relationships lately. I think it’s funny when people say a relationship “ended” in marriage. Is marriage really the end to some people? I mean, I know it is for some people, but it’s odd to think that people really think that differently from me.
For me, marriage is the gateway to…everything that comes after marriage. If I never marry, there are certain things I will never do or experience. But for some people, experiences end with marriage…forever. I think if I felt that way, I wouldn’t want to be married either.
I follow someone on twitter who is a proponent of “open relating” as she calls it. She is constantly posting things about how marriage as an institution is broken and how we need to do something different in order to fix it; I agree. Now, where she loses me is in projecting the solution to be open relationships. From what I’ve read of her and her husband, she seems to think that one needs to have a solid monogamous relationship before they open the relationship. If I were to believe her philosophy, I’d still have the problem presented by the fact that most people can’t get monogamy right, so they’d never get to the open relationship aspect of it. She seems to be saying that one person can’t satisfy all of our needs or be everything that we need; and I agree. Only, I don’t think I need more than a husband to have sex with. You can get emotional support, advice, fellowship, companionship, a shopper partner or whatever from friends and family, fellow church members, a relationship with God…not necessarily another sexual relationship.
But she does raise an interesting set of questions that I want to explore: is forever possible for many of us? How do you stay a fulfilled person in a relationship without cheating? Are you even interested in a monogamous forever? Why does forever have to be monogamous (at least for me)?
As Outkast member Andre3000 raps “Forever never seems that long until you’re grown/ and notice that the day by day ruler can’t be too long.” It’s hard to grasp how long forever really is, because there is an end (in the earthly sense); we just don’t know it. It’s hard to say, now, what I’ll be able to deal with forever. It’s hard to account for how people change, and sometimes even harder to stand how they stay the same. I’m sure it irritates a lot of people that all of those annoying characteristics of mine they tried to break me of are still there. Some will never change, and that can scare you silly. Change is to be expected, but the thought of certain things not changing can be a lot harder to accept.
For the next couple of days, I really want to get into a discussion of marriage and monogamy, signing on for forever, and all that jazz. Feel free to add your two cents in.
- Is Non-Monogamy The Key To An Affair-Free Marriage? (psychcentral.com)
- If We Pull The Thread Will Relationships Unravel? (thezephyrchronicles.com)
- Monogamous vs. Other Type of Unions (socyberty.com)
- Virtues of Infidelity (thiswifesturn.wordpress.com)
- Ms. Monogamy: Whatever Dan Savage Says; Married With Infidelities Isn’t For Me (blisstree.com)