Wedding Withdrawal, or Your Time is Up

One of the most surprising things I’ve found in my reading of One Perfect Day was the phenomenon Mead identifies as “wedding withdrawal.” I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised. What else can you expect when the world revolves around “your special day” for so long, right? How do you go from being something of a celebrity to being just another married person?

I am not one of those women who obsesses about her wedding day. I’m also not one of those women who sees this as the opportunity to take my rightful place as the center of the universe. I don’t have bridezilla tendencies. In fact, contrary to what this blunt and brassy blog would have you to believe, I tend to shy away from attention. I would much rather not be the focal point.

My problem with being the center of attention stems from my being shy, sure, but also from the fact I’m just not the type of girl that makes people stop and stare (at least not for a good reason). It’s uncomfortable to me to have everyone looking at me. It’s not like I’m Beyoncรฉ or Eva Longoria; I’m just 2blu–plain, nice looking enough, but nothing to gawk at.

I’ve grown very comfortable being in the background. My dream was to be one of those rich people that no one knows, really. Rich but not famous, like the other microsoft guy who isn’t Bill Gates or the guy who owns NBC–we know they exist, but there’s no paparazzi photos of them unless they get caught in a scandal.

But there exists a woman who wants the world to revolve around her. She wants everyone to see the hard work she’s put into losing weight, the money spent on her dress, her hair, and her makeup. She may dress her bridesmaids in “nice” dresses, but nothing that would overshadow her. She wants to express her style, her personality, and uses the colors and themes to make a statement about who she is. She could really be marrying anyone; she’s had the colors, etc. picked out since she was in high school, or sooner.

So it’s easy to see why some former brides find it so hard to let go, why there are wedding withdrawal forums on bridal sites. It just doesn’t make sense to someone like me, who has been focused for an equally long time on the type of man I will marry and the type of marriage we will have. While both of us, I think, are a bit deluded that we have the power to orchestrate this perfectly to our own tastes, a wedding has an end and a marriage should not.

Don’t get me wrong; I would like to have something to mark the start of my marriage. I just don’t want a FMBM (For Me, By Me) day. I don’t even want a FUBU day. I want to celebrate the creation of a new little family, with all of the religious and secular commitments that such a creation entails. I want a time for our respective families to get better acquainted and have a good time doing so. I want laughing and singing. I want there to be meaning to the things we do other than it’s the fashion. For instance, I like bubbles. But blowing bubbles as the bride and groom leave doesn’t mean anything, does it? Rice has a meaning, though. Don’t know what it is, and it probably is wasteful to throw perfectly good food on the ground, but if I had to pick, I’d probably pick the rice.

Maybe the marriage part isn’t quite working out as these brides hoped on that day dappled in sunshine and full of bubbles. Maybe they’ve come down a cloud or two, and things look a bit different. Maybe the day to day grind is that much harder to return to now. It’s like Cinderella after the magic of the ball, finding herself back cleaning up after her wicked stepmother and stepsisters.

But alas, I’ve never been a bride. I’ve never been the center of attention, either. Perhaps I’m missing a deeper, more meaningful reason married women long to be brides again. So what is it? What is the reason behind the wedding withdrawal? Have you experienced it? How did you get over it?

4 Comments

  1. I totally relate to you on this post. I am very outgoing and crazy, but being the center of attention at my showers and on my wedding day made me nervous. The day was awesome, but I almost hyper ventilated when my dad was about to walk me down because I kept saying “oh no they’re all going to stare at me!” But as cheesy as it is I just focused on the huz and it calmed me down.
    I was very laid back through the whole process and didn’t really care all that much about the typical wedding stuff. I just wanted a traditional ceremony where we could focus on dedicating our future to God and then some good music and a dance floor. Nothing else mattered very much.
    Since then I haven’t gone through an after wedding day depression. But, there are times that I feel a little strange about it. Like, even though I never obsessed about what my wedding would be like, it is weird to think it’s over. Or I’ll see a pretty wedding dress and it’s weird to think that I’ve already worn my wedding dress. I’m overly nostalgic so it’s just strange to think that such a big part of my life is over so fast. But, the feeling that over shadows the strange is definitely the relief that I never need to plan something like that again.

    • 2blu2btru

      I think that surreal feeling of “wow, I’m really married already” will probably be the thing that I would have to deal with more so than wedding withdrawal. I’ll truthfully probably be glad when it’s all over. ๐Ÿ™‚

      So, I’m dying to know, did you get your traditional ceremony and groovy dance floor? It seems like you beat all the wedding day jitters and bridezilla traps. Good for you! I hope to be like you one day. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. I don’t like being the center of attention. So I didn’t have a wedding with a bunch of people. Problem solved.

    Since I did have to do some planning, and our budget was well over what could have paid for a small wedding + guests…leaving New Orleans and going back to work was hard. Did I miss “wedding” planning? HELL NO. But the euphoric feeling of getting married and being newlyweds fades FAST when you go back to work and you’re back on your typical schedule. The only thing I’m hanging onto is my wedding scrapbook and that damn piece of cake in my freezer that can’t come out until December 3rd.

    • 2blu2btru

      I don’t even want to think about a wedding budget. Reading One Perfect Day was a bad idea in that respect; it makes you question every single thing you could possibly want in a wedding and whether it’s worth the price. Anti-consumerism at its best. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I have a problem with vacations. I’m sure once I’ve been on honeymoon for a while, slipping back into a routine of working won’t be easy, but for now, I’m so used to working, when I do take a day off, I feel like I should be at work. I feel lazy for the first few days, and to counteract it, I catch up on all my to-dos. By the time I settle in and enjoy it, it’s time to go back to the routine.

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