Where is the line between putting your best foot forward and misrepresenting yourself? I think the line lies largely in the land of intent, and partially in the land of self-awareness.
In the introduction post to this topic, I presented an example from the movie I’m Gonna Git You Sucka. In this scene, this woman has beautifully set up the hero. She has asked for something that is unrealistic, and she doesn’t expect to get it. What she does expect to get is someone who’s willing to sleep with her. You see, she knows that the hero probably is not in possession of what he says he has; it’s safe to assume this. She is OK with him not being all he said he was because she knows she isn’t any of what she appears to be. He thinks he’s tricking her, but she’s really tricking him in the hopes that he will accept things for what they are and sleep with her anyway.
A lot of women are guilty of keeping up an illusion that they are one way in the hopes that by the time the man in her life realizes she is not as she seems, it will be too late, for one reason or another, for him to escape. Some women use pregnancy to trap a man; others use marriage. Some women bank on the strength of a man’s feelings for them and begin to make their grievances and qualms known in the hopes of getting their own way. But before we get lost in the traps, let’s look at the tricks:
- All of the appearance tricks mentioned in the previous post.
- Cooking full course meals every time you invite him over.
- Going to the gym religiously.
- Pretending an affinity for football/whatever sport he likes.
- Crazy gymnastic sex moves.
- Being pious and religious.
- Feigning an interest in children.
- Assuring him you don’t want to be a stay at home anything.
- Urging him to go out with his friends.
- Waiting to hear what he thinks and agreeing wholeheartedly.
- Assuring him you were born to be submissive and don’t know why women have such a hard time with a man being the head.
- Offering to pay for meals and date activities.
- Any behavior you intend for a limited time only—as long as it takes to “get” your man.
Most of these characteristics aren’t bad by themselves; they are bad when you only do/say these things to get a man. In all honesty, you hate cooking and won’t cook after marriage; you will never set foot in a gym again; you will guilt him into staying in with you rather than going out with his friends; you will live in sweat pants and t-shirts; you won’t ever hold a job again after the first child; you have no intention of ruining your figure by having a child; you only did that freaky deaky stuff to get him, and wives don’t do that, and etc.
Don’t we realize that being these inauthentic versions of ourselves will attract the attention of men we don’t really want, men we can’t really be ourselves with? Don’t we realize we aren’t just trapping a man, but ourselves in relationships based on deceit that soon turn sour and unfulfilling? Yes, we all want to be loved, but shouldn’t we be striving to be loved for who we are?
The world is full of people trying to give us advice on how to catch a man or get a man, but they usually don’t quantify what type of man we will catch, nor if he will want us once we gratefully drop the facade. I urge you to be authentic. There’s nothing wrong with striving to improve yourself and better yourself, but make sure that’s what you’re striving for and not to get a man. You may not attract every man being you, but the goal is to attract the right man who is aligned to where you are and where you are trying to go.
The bottom line: Being the best you is not being inauthentic. Being the best you is not trying to be someone else. Being the best you will attract the best mate for you.
All of this begs the question: Is it possible to be “too real” on the first date/when you’re getting to know someone? But that’s for another post! 😀
- What is Misrepresentation? (brainz.org)
- Single Ladies, Don’t Despair: Men Do Want to Commit (abcnews.go.com)
- Two Common Mistakes When Meeting a Woman (socyberty.com)
- The Powerlessness of the Single Woman (psychologytoday.com)
- Self-Toning Clothing: Miracle Or Misrepresentation? (thefrisky.com)