What’s In Your Marriage Kit: The Interlude

After rereading both what I posted already and the rest of the interview, and rewinding the conversation in my head, I was finally able to work out what’s been bothering me about this whole process. I’ve felt for a long time that certain things that I encountered were wrong, but I didn’t know how to express it, or why I felt that way, but now that I have my thoughts together, I’m going to tell you why this is so important to me.

As my regular readers know (hey y’all 🙂 Love you lots!), I have a boyfriend of 2 years, 8 months, and something something days (math is not my strong suit). I have always been interested in marriage and relationships, but being in a relationship gives you a different perspective. A lot of questions began not to be academic. I couldn’t put off thinking about relationship and marriage related topics for another time. I was in a relationship and there were some things I needed to be aware of, some things I needed to know.

I mentioned a LONG time ago that my mother did not raise me to be very feminine. She didn’t teach me to groom my eyebrows, apply makeup, fashion sense, etc. She taught me to be clean (house and body), to work hard, to do my best, and a lot of other great personality traits, but there were some things I had to learn on my own. Relationships were one of those things. Though I had a stepfather, my mother has never been married and couldn’t really give me much insight into the institution (my mother and stepfather were together over 21 years before he passed last year). So when I began contemplating what marriage really was and what a couple needed to do to STAY married, I had to look further afield.

That’s where I have been encountering the problem. Since early on in my relationship, people have been pressing Mr. P and me about when we were getting married. It didn’t matter if they were family members, church members, friends, even co-workers, they asked. So I thought to myself that surely all of these people who are pushing marriage would be willing to talk to me about what marriage was and how to grow a young marriage. Surely they would want to talk to me about how to choose a good mate. But this isn’t what I’ve found.

People are in a hurry to press marriage as the answer to fornication, barely making it, shacking up, illegitimate children…it may even be touted to bring about world peace…but they are much slower to explain marriage, to give the pros and cons and things to consider before yolking yourself to another person. I felt that it was especially important to get the Christian perspective, as marriage is an institution instituted by God to achieve His will and for His express purposes.

Many people tell me that they don’t know any married couples, don’t have any examples of married couples. They have never seen a marriage that is successful…or unsuccessful in some instances. So the whole point of these posts will be to give perspectives on marriage from people who are married. I’m learning as much as anyone else. I’m sharing the treasure trove of wisdom I have with you.

So please, please, please read carefully, ask questions, make comments, and think about the questions and responses. People are taking time out of their lives to share with you because they believe marriage is important, worth the effort to get right. I’ll be posting the rest of the initial conversation with my minister soon, as well as his wife, our elders & their wives, several other married couples in the church, Pink Susie and her husband of 40 years, and anyone else who wants to participate and contacts me: 2blu2btru4u[at] gmail [dot] com.

Hopefully you get something out of the marriage kits and are blessed by my efforts.

3 Comments

  1. I totally agree! Most people do not talk about their marriages – good or bad. We (the unmarried or failures in marriage), need to hear about marriage from all perspectives because we all come from different backgrounds and upbringings. Those couples who do speak openly about their marriages are told they reveal too much, make marriage seem bad, or hard, or make it seem like utopia. I cannot hear the stories over the comments so I wish folks would shut up so I can listen lol and get it right the next time around.

    Too many of my friends are getting married and I know without a doubt that of the four, two will not last. Statistics or ignorance? We shall see.

    • 2blu2btru

      I was having a hard time at first getting people to take me seriously when I was asking. After we met with my minister, everyone was asking me whether that meant Mr. Perfect & I were about to get married and were all off task, lol! But once they finally understood the purpose of the blog, that I wasn’t trying to be “all up in their business” and that this was to help young people make informed decisions on marriage and potential spouses, I am flooded with cooperation! I think most people think we are just being nosy.

      I hope that your friends will be beat the statistics. I think people can rush the decision but I hope that isn’t the case with them, that they’ve done the research, perhaps took the premarital counseling, and are willing to put forth the effort.

  2. itsmeandthemoon

    Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for this series! I personally have such a skewed view of marriage. I know that God designed it, but I also struggle with the passages where Paul tells his readers that he wishes that we were all like (unmarried) like him!

    I think I do want to get married, but I want a much better marriage than my parents. I definitely feel like married people give you a too-rosey or too-cynical viewpoint. And while I don’t blame people for not wanting to give personal details about their marriage (such as personal grooming, sex, finances, etc.) so many of us don’t have parents with good marriages who are willing to openly discuss these things with their children. I do feel like it’s the parents responsibility to talk to their kids about marriage, but there are just too many kids with parents with less-than-ideal marriages or who are uncomfortable communicating things with their adult children.

    Thank you again!

Comments are closed.