Why One is Enough: Open Relationships Part II

I shared some basic information in part I about open marriages/relationships and posed some questions. I want to thank everyone who answered for their opinions and insights. Don’t be shy about continuing to respond! I think it’s only fair for me to actually share my views on why open marriage is not for me. So…

I believe that there is no way for me to romantically love & be committed/connected to more than one person if it’s being done right. You are learning another person & attempting to be one with them. I’ve been learning me for twenty-five years, and I am just now beginning to fully know, love & accept all of me; how much more time then will be needed to learn another. Learning to be a helpmate to your man takes time & effort. As much of a multi-tasker as I am, I canconcede some things require my full attention.

Many folks brought out the point that one person alone doesn’t fulfill all they want in a man. I’m sure we have all wished we could combine two men into the perfect guy; I submit to you that while you are juggling them, God has your perfect combination out there wondering why he can’t find you. But maybe it’s more that people no longer want to be committed to making it work. When it’s no longer easy, when I’m not happy right now, I no longer want to stay.

I’m convinced most people have no clue what they really want in a mate at the outset anyway. Oh, we know what we don’t want, but usually, until we find what we do want, it’s not as concrete a list as we’d like to think. We have vague, broad notions–he will like to cook, she will be into sports, etc. I pray for God to show me what I need & require in a man who will be an asset & an encuragement in the life I live for Him (the Lord).

We have secondary relationships with friends and family as well with whom we share a different sort of intimacy, a different kind of love. We are, indeed, to love all people, not with our bodies, but with our hearts.

My focus should be on loving & supporting my one husband as God commands & trusting that the man I agreed to marry will love me as God commanded him. As I wrote in my gender roles post, we have issues doing this sometimes because we don’t trust him/her to know how to love us fully, we don’t have to get any needs met elsewhere. That’s a personal issue. After all, you chose to be with this person. Why be so unsure in your decision? If I can’t stand before God and say I will obey you and forsaking all others, I’m not marrying you just because you asked.

Some people have said open marriages/ relationships are a rejection of possession. People aren’t possessions. But what aabout self-possessin? What about taking hold of yourself & telling yourself what you will & will not do? It’s about being self-possessed enough to keep your word. I made a contract with you, and I will bring my body into submission to honor it.Besides, we do belong to each other. Marriage is saying I choose you to share my life. We cae for what is ours . TBCont’d..

4 Comments

  1. You’ve really thought out what you’re looking for and why you want it. I think that’s more than most do. When dating, I did have short list of instant rejections – followed by a wish list ranked in order of importance. The first date was sort of like an interview. In conversation, I’d find out if they were instant rejects. If so, why bother with another date?

    After thirteen years of marriage, I’ll admit there have been tough times. Times when I was so worn down, the easy way out would’ve been to say it’s over. But I didn’t…we didn’t…and things got better again. When you do make the commitment to each other in the presence of God, friends and family, it shouldn’t be taken lightly.

    God will guide you, as you have asked him, so I know your decision of whom to marry and when will not be one of impulse. Good luck to you!

  2. kelli

    So, to plat devil’s advocate…what happens if ur husband cheats on you? What happens if HE, like Kenya, came to you and asked for an open marriage???

    “For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything. ”

    So if the bibles says your husband leads and husband and wife are, “one flesh” then to open ur marriage to another would technically full fill the equation. Meaning, husband+wife=1 + girlfriend= 2.

    That’s right! Come get me! LOL

  3. 2blu2btru

    You don’t follow your husband over Christ; you follow him as he follows Christ. Christ would ask the church for an open marriage: For we know that God is a jealous God and wants no other God’s before Him. And we are never to be two again; two become one flesh and stay one flesh; a head doesn’t need two bodies, so she got ta go! LOL

    The man has his responsibilities too. He is to love As Christ loves the church or body. Ephesians chapter 3 shows there is only one Lord (head), and one body.

    And if he cheats, that’s Biblical grounds for divorce…not that you should because you could….LOL

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