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Proposal Essentials

I’m not the type of person who puts much stock in dreams beyond the fact that they bring out things in our subconcious–worries, desires, stress responses, etc. That being said, I do use my dreams sometimes as a springboard, to come up with some of the topics that I blog or write about in my stories. For example, the dream I had just a few hours ago:

I was somewhere with some friends and family, playing a card game, when Mr. Perfect rushes in and asks to speak to me. We go into this random, very antiseptic & clean bathroom, and he looks at me and says (really fast so I almost missed it) “I want you to marry me.” He didn’t really ask a question, but I said yes anyway and threw my arms around his neck. He had no ring, made no grand pronouncements, and was wearing jeans and an Ed Hardy t-shirt.

Now, let’s put this in perspective before I go into the actual purpose of this post. I went to Pink Susie’s yesterday for my cousin’s girlfriend’s birthday. They had a little barbeque and we played Skip-Bo, a card game. Mr. Perfect wore an Ed Hardy t-shirt and blue jean shorts. On Thursday, I deep cleaned my bathroom with Kaboom with Oxiclean and bought a new shower curtain. Mr. Pefect did not propose, lol, but I was asked when we were getting married, and my aunt pressed him about buying a house in Florida.

So now that we have the factual basis and subconscious ques out of the way, the point of this blog: what is essential for a proposal? What do you need to say yes, or, if you are a man or a really forward woman, what do you need to ask in the first place?

What emotional components are necessary for you to accept that you want to marry someone? All of the outside circumstances–having achieved the right amount of success, having the financial stability, having shown ourselves we can live without a man/woman, buying a house, or any of the other outside circumstances that fact into our decision– aside, what emotional items do you need to check off the list to decide that this is the one (or more realistically, unfortunately, in today’s society, the one for right now *sigh*)?  What’s most important emotionally for you to say yes to more than just the dress?

There are also those material things: Do you need the ring? How important is it for him/you to “get it right” with the ring, choosing a style that is uniquely you/your partner? What would you do if you got a “horrible” ring?

Then there’s the fairy tale aspects: How important is what he says, or will I simple, will you marry me, suffice for you? What magic words are you waiting to hear? How disappointed are you if he’s not eloquent, or fumbles a bit?

If there’s any real world meaning or application that my dream has, it’s that many of the elements that I need in a proposal were revealed. I don’t care about the ring or the how successful I am at the moment; I’ve proven to myself that I can take care of myself without someone; I don’t need a lot of flowery prose of pomp & circumstance. I need the certainty that this person loves & respects me, that this person wants to marry me, warts & all. It is that simple, and that decisive. There can’t be any hesitation or uncertainty. It really isn’t a question; it’s a statement. It’s not flowery & fairtale like, but it’s real, foundational. Someone has come to the conclusion that they can live without me, but they just don’t want to. I don’t need to be needed or necessary; I would rather be wanted.

Don’t get me wrong; a ring would be nice. I like music & candlelight, flowers, poetic words, and a bended knee as much as the next woman. But I know what’s essential for me to be happy longer than I do.

So, what are your essentials, or your “awwww-worthy” proposal stories?

3 thoughts on “Proposal Essentials

  1. Nice dream interpretation. I think it’s great that you know what you want and don’t have the unrealistic fairy tales in mind. I have to admit, I had some unrealistic expectations for the wedding day (everything would be perfect) and it added stress that didn’t need to be there.

    My husband picked out the ring on his own (and I like it). Even if it wasn’t my favorite, I would have kept it and loved it anyway because it has sentimental value at that point. He had a steady job, was responsible and did small, caring, thoughtful things for me – all important things for me.

  2. An unplanned weekend getaway, the proposal and the ring caught a sista by surprise, to be honest (I was fine with our relationship as it was).

    “I like music & candlelight, flowers, poetic words, and a bended knee as much as the next woman.”

    Since you two have been together a while, I think he knows that this is an ideal setting for you. Trust me, they’re paying attention when we think they aren’t.

    Re: flowery, pomp & circumstance Make for nice memories, but if/when the real world kicks in (joblessness, sickness) will that stuff even matter?

    “I don’t need to be needed or necessary; I would rather be wanted.”

    THIS!

    I’m curious about Mr. P’s response to your Aunt’s questions, lol. Talk about being put on the spot…

    1. Mr. P. is not called Mr. Perfect for nothing! He answered the question (you have to–she’s a mental health counselor, so sidestepping leads to a whole different discussion), but not really. He gave one of his reasons (job uncertainty) without giving away his other/main reasons…or telling her it was none of her business, lol, as some people would. I got to hear them all (again) in detail.

      He never heard the when are you getting married one, I kept that to myself; makes him itchy, lol…some men can get that way 😀

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