The Mother of All Obstacles

The receptionist and I often share stories about our significant others–She about her fiance and I about Mr. Perfect. Her fiance just graduated on Saturday from a prestigious school here and so his family was in town. “His mother drove me crazy!” She laments. “How?” Basically his mother wants him to get a position with a big company that is nationwide so he would be able to transfer home–to California. California is not the cheapest place to live even in the best of times. In this economy when you’re paying back $100,000 in student loans (that is NOT a typo), it’s impossible. When she told her future Mother-in-Law this, she was told to “think about who [she’s] marrying.”

Now, I’m no mother; I’m just a young lady with limited dating experience, but I have run across a lot of mothers and their sons. I’ve only seen a few different kinds of mother’s–mother who don’t care if you’re Mother Theresa, you’re not good enough for her baby; mothers who know their sons are no good and try to warn you away; and mother’s who will welcome a decent girl (usually because the half hope/ expect her not to last long).

I don’t have the “you have to get past me first” father, so in my case, the extreme no one is goood enough doesn’t really make sense. You should want the best for them, but being selfish of them, not letting them go out and find a mate with your support and sage advice rather than your complete opposition seems foolhardy.

My mother is not so militantly against anybody I’ve taalked to. She has to make sure they are about something, are respectful & industrious, know how to treat a lady, etc. After that she’s happy. When we break up, *@#! him, lol. That’s Mom, always in my corner. But the almost hatred some women show towards decent women they should be thanking God their son has the good sense to go after–where does it come from?

If you are a mother how do you deal/how will you deal with girlfriends/fiances/wives as opposed to boyfriends/fiaances/husbands? Is there a difference? Why or Why not? If you are a man, how has your mother responded to women in your life? Was she right to respond that way? Was she going off of you and the vibe/spin you put on the relationship when you spoke to her about it? From anyone, how do you overcome the mother issue if there is one?

Thankfully, I get along with Perfect mother. We actually have a thing or two in common, which is usually the case when a guy has a great mother (he looks for those qualities abilities in potential mates). But then I am just a girlfriend, so who knows if that could change when long term comm7tments come into play. Leave your thoughts!

2 Comments

  1. With my boys, I say I’ll be tough and hard on the female but really I worry that my sons dnt make a fool outta me. Every guy I’ve dated that was a jerk, I kinda wondered why his mom didn’t fix his defect or said something to me abt it beforehand. I’d really hope the young lady is decent (that can mean several things) but that she also has self-esteem & won’t just take anything from my sons.

    My ex-hubby’s mom died way before we met so I didn’t have that experience. Mr. D’s mom lives in OH and I have yet to meet her but he often says I remind him of her as far as her strength. Maybe he is lying but I often find that men do look for women who remind them of the good qualities of their moms.

    I do not have girls but, if I did, I’d be about the same….cautious. Relationships & marriage is hard and emotionally taxing at times. Don’t want either of them to go through that with someone who isn’t serious about the journey.

    • 2blu2btru

      By decent, I mean the traditional sense–morally upstanding, good, clean–decent. Not she looks decent or dresses decent–I just mean being a whole, wholesome person. Nobody is perfect, so decent is my equivalent of being as good as you can be.

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