Is This All There is?

Every now and then my Netflix queue goes bonkers (or I distractedly change the order of the wrong movie(s) while doing something else) and sends me the wrong movies. Or maybe I just forget how badly I wanted to see something. Or forget I put it in my queue at all.

This weekend, I opened my mailbox to Good Luck Chuck and Crank 1 & 2. I wasn’t all that excited about my choices, and could swear I had something else in front of them, but oh well.

Ironically, I got a Monday Meditation out of Good Luck Chuck that’s a pretty good one. If you’ve never seen GLC, it’s about a guy named Charles (or Chuck) who works as a good luck charm for women: after they sleep with him, the next guy they date they marry. Love rains all around him but he can never have it, or something.His would be womanizer friend convinces him that he can provide a valuable service to women this way. After a while, though, he tires of this and asks his friend “What is sex without love?” He starts to want more.

I can’t relate to his specific question, but I can relate to the sentiment. There are times when you think you have the perfect setup or the greatest thing going, when it all suddenly loses it’s luster. The thing itsself hasn’t changed at all It’s just not the same. There isn’t that same eagerness or excitement.

This happens a lot with relationships. Your friend was always sketchy, but getting “the hookup” on bootleg (pirated) CDs amd music, or clothes or whatever worked for you. Now you have a job or a family and don’t really want to be associated. You had a man (or woman) who was never really about anything but you liked that they were dangerous, wild, sexy or thought they were great at sex or they were gorgeous. After a while they are still fine sexy wild and freaky, but you’re getting older and/or more mature and you want more than that. It just doesn’t satisfy as it used to.

Mr. Perfect told me when we were first getting to know each other that he gets bored easily and hadn’t had any long term relationships. He has a list of things he’s looking for and if you don’t line up he doesn’t have a lot of time for you. I guess it saves a lot of the disillusionment to search out everything thoroughly from the beginning, to always be on guard and on the lookout for imperfections you can’t live with, but what about giving things a chance to grow, of giving it the benefit of the doubt until it proves you wrong?

And;
How do you know when you truly want something else, andΒ when you’re just bored? There are things that feel empty for a while, or pointless and a waste of time that you just need a break from before you appreciate its value. Sometomes you have to take a step back to see the big picture– or step up and say “this isn’t working for me.”

Mr. Perfct and I are still together 2 years 4 months later. There is something about him at his core that makes him still exciting, fresh to me. How do you keep it that way long term? This is only for when it’s really something you shou

6 Comments

  1. 2blu2btru

    “This is only for when it’s something you shouldn’t let go stale.”– Sorry there’s a character limit when you post from the phone πŸ™

  2. I have honestly let go of a lot of friends from Purdue and my life before that time. The people are still the same but what we had in common or what I thought was exciting or fun about them is no longer fun & exciting to me. Some do not understand it and think you are acting “funny” but it is boring to talk about things that no longer interest me. It is not a bad thing. It’s life & growth….that’s all.

    I do the same thing as far as having a list of things I need in a relationship, searching for them, being on guard, and looking out for imperfections. I explained in detail my situation with Mr.D to Mr.P (I think I need to call him something else lol sounds too similar). I told him I am making a list of the things that I can and cannot tolerant so I will admit to myself that I saw the signs early on instead of lying & claiming I didn’t. It’s not a bad thing to search. It’s all about looking for them from day 1 being true to your limits. People to change & grow….those qualities I am not talking about. People do those things because it is innate. Those never change so you accept them or leave them.

    A male friend told me guys cannot hide their true colors – women just refuse to see them. Giving the benefit of the doubt is fine IF that person did not know or has a problem but wants to work on it. I get bored too lol it is bad! But, truth be told, I like Mr. D because he is my friend. We have things in common more than I thought & he is willing to bend to my needs after talking it through. We discuss everything….you name it it has been said or talked about in detail including emotions & future plans. There is room for communication and there is room to speak up like you said. I do not want to get to 2 yrs and 4 mths and feel like we are at a standstill.

  3. 2blu2btru

    People indeed change and grow, sometimes in different directions. That’s what’s so hard about friendships and romantic relationships–sometimes they really aren’t the person you met and liked, and hey, you aren’t the same person either. Whether that’s good or bad is a case by case thing. That makes it harder for me to write off friends because maybe I met them in an up time for them or maybe I see the potential in them. When do you give up on that potential ever coming to fruition? I feel like I reach a hand back a lot to try and pull folks up and along with me, but I haven’t had many friends in a position to do that for me (mostly because I have fewer older friends here/now, and most are same or worse off than I am in most areas). I don’t want to drop them just because they aren’t there yet, but I can’t wait on them either, so it’s frustrating.

    With men, I’m much less forgiving, lol! I have mother nature to think about. I only have so many eggs, so much time. I also don’t have to live with my friends, so I can handle more of a mismatched friendship than a mismatched romantic relationship. I try not to get too caught up in my list’s superficial points and figure out what I really wanted something for. Example: I wanted someone over six feet. Mr. P. is almost but not quite six feet, but I can deal with that because I wanted someone tall so I would feel/be safe and protected, and I feel safe and protected, like he will “buss some heads” for me if he has to! πŸ˜€ It’s the core values that I don’t flex on, not the outward manifestations. I demand a lot, but I’m ready to give a lot, too. I believe in balance.

    I’m glad Mr. D is ready and willing to do some bending too. P.S. Mr. D makes me think of a Mr. you…almost like Mr. Halle Berry, lol! I know it’s his initial, but it does.

  4. I didn’t think abou it that way so I’d say some friendships I have left and gone back to. Often. I’d take a break. Then come back. Take another break. And come right back. I think that helps keep both parties sane because I know I have irritated some and they needed their break from me. It’s that understanding that I like them as a person and want them around but I need my break here & there.

    With romantic relationships, you are NOT the only one compromising! External things I can work with but internal things I cannot esp religion, integrity, respect, and intellect. I love football physiques. Mr. D is tall but skinny like someone starved him his entire life but he eats everything in sight! I like that Ken cut. Mr. D ain’t got a Ken nothing! lol but he has 5 stars on the internal categories that matter most in the long run. If he has all the good qualities of a husband then give him room to improve the outside (growth hormones? lol) but I truly believe there should be something on the outside to rev your engine up!

    I like that! Mr. Denisha, Mr. D, my property *evil laugh*

  5. 2blu2btru

    LOL, poor Mr. D! πŸ˜€

    I agree, attraction is definitely necesary. I like a lot of people I’m not physically attracted to, people who will make some women (who are attracted to them) great husbands. Lack of attraction kills a lot of perfect matches! Religion is definitely a non-flexible for me. Buddhists, Muslims, Agnostics, Atheists, Scientologists need not apply. We at least need to start with the same God and the same concept of who/what God is; I can decide whether the details fit once we’ve established the God and the Word. If you are sincere, you don’t have any trouble with explaining your beliefs or hearing someone else’s interpretation, but if we aren’t even using the same things to evaluate the same material, we’d never get the same conclusion anyway.

    Everyone makes their concessions, and trades in one quality or value in favor of another. There aren’t amny spare Church of Christ Montell Jordans with MBAs and six figure jobs, sensitivity, great communications skills, beautiful teeth (for our children πŸ˜€ and quirky senses of humor that allow them to get my jokes. And there aren’t many Church of Christ Nia Longs with six figure jobs and perfect BMIs who enjoy hours in the gym, have Pocahontas hair, don’t talk too much, with big booties who are always perfectly logical and love football and other sports πŸ˜€ You have to decide whether what you would be giving up is worth what you’re getting in return; like trading in your car for money off a new one, LOL

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