I swear the universe likes to beat me over the head with whatever I try to avoid for its own childish amusement. I was happy with the way my weekend went and in good spirits. I bounce in to work minding my own business, smile on my face, greeting folks like it’s not a Monday. I go to sign in to my computer and hear this high-pitched “Did you get engaged this weekend?!” Screaming and ring flashing ensues. “How did he do it?” “How did you feel?” “My husband did this” Blah Blah Frickin’ Frackin’ Blah. Are you serious? Two weeks in a row I start my week off hearing/seeing somebody get proposed to/hear about the proposal. That leaves me, T, Ry, and Mel O. Drama unmarried and unengaged–and Ry and Mel are both gay and therefore can’t marry.
Luckily for me, no one at my job really cares about my relationship status or situation, so at least there was no barrage of “When are you going to get married’s?” However, this just drives home the point that I suck at life. Not because I’m not engaged/married, but none of my major life points have been checked off since “Graduate from college.”
I went to high school with rich, goal oriented people who now have great careers and participated in the Christian Student Center with people who have since gotten married and started families. I have done none of these things, and won’t in the forseeable future. Hello? I can’t even keep my first self imposed deadline to submit writing to get started on that writing career! Kids are pushed off at this point until after thirty by virtue of my time schedule for how long I want to be married and what I want to accomplish before kids. I live in an apartment and don’t own a house. Heck, I don’t even own my car! The only thing I seem to own are an ipod, tv, this computer, and some Harlequin romance novels.
I know it’s not exactly fair to beat myself up by comparing myself to where other individuals are in their lives, particularly those who haven’t had the experiences I’ve had (specifically my trials of the past few years), but sometimes you can’t help but wonder why, if you were so great and at the forefront and had it all together, how can you suddenly look up and find yourself miles behind the pack?
I didn’t feel like going to the pub for lunch and hearing the whole drawn out mess of how Blondie got engaged, so I begged off. It wouldn’t be fair for me to be a wet blanket on someone else’s happy little fire, so I took myself to McDonald’s. I didn’t bother with a happy meal either; there’s nothing happy about realizing you fall short in all the major areas of life.
I’m definitely having a mood indigo.