I usually start my wordpress entries in my “paper journal” that I take to work with me, but this entry came to me as I was on my facebook page and came across a note a friend had written about being a thirty-year old “bonafide” virgin–no technical virginity or born again virginity, but a real virgin. Apparently, she had been getting her fair share of bad commentary on the original note and felt she had to write a second one to clarify some things and state again why she is still a virgin that late in life. I responded to the note, of course, but I just had to do my own entry about it.
I should start off by saying that this resonated so much with me because I am a twenty-four year old virgin myself. I don’t get asked about it often, mostly because people assume that I have had sex. The fact that I have a boyfriend of nearly two years means I must be now if I wasn’t before. Heck, most people here think I live with him. But one thing you can add to the Mr. Perfect list of perfect qualities is that he is waiting for me…maybe for nothing, because if we don’t get married…well, you know. Or maybe you don’t.
There are a myriad of reasons why I am still a virgin. First, I am a Christian woman who is unmarried, so I kinda should be for that reason. Also, I don’t want to raise any kids by myself, or with someone who can chuck the deuces and walk without having to tell the court what’s up; it scares shady men away… eventually, when they realize I really mean it; sexually transmitted diseases today kill people instead of just making you itch or burn when you pee; I am waiting for marriage, and; for lack of a better phrase, I never had many offers. It wasn’t a big deal to me at first to keep my virginity, or a big struggle. Nobody was trying to have sex with me. Not that I am not attractive, or funny, or smart. I have a nice booty, and I USED to be built like a brick house…no tummy, thick thighs, round booty, long hair…let’s be real…I was the ish and the urine, as Kanye says (I know I am semi-boycotting him, but it is so true).
What really makes me upset is that people assume I have to be ugly, asexual, a religious freak, a crazy, a technical virgin, or just plain LYING when I say I am a virgin. Why is there anything wrong with not sinning, I ask you?
The main thing that I have come to realize as a Christian is that, if at the end of life, one discovers there is no God, no Heaven and no Hell, the worst you can say is you didn’t do a bunch of things that might have been fun. If you were a “true” Christian, you obeyed the law, you were loving and kind to people, you didn’t do things you weren’t supposed to do, you helped people, you had faith, something that gave you hope and a sense of peace when everything was falling down around you. People are dying in search of that kind of peace and knowledge of their own self-worth. So the fact that Christianity plays a part in my virginity mainly emphasizes I have self-worth, I care about my health and my body, and their are conditions in place that govern my life other than my physical impulses. Now, once I am married…well, the good book says the marriage bed is undefiled…for all you know, I might be freaky deaky sneaky in the sheets with my husband. Which brings me to my next point.
I am not asexual. How do I know? Because I have sexual urges like everybody else. My boyfriend is attractive and nice and does everything that would make a woman want to throw the draws at him, and I am sure he has had some thrown his way. Since we are not sleeping together, we do a lot of other things together that have allowed me to know him deeply in other respects. We talk about important things that mean something to us. We have a spiritual common ground and an intellectual one. And he is attractive. There is that pull there, that desire. If it wasn’t, one of us would have pushed off a while ago.
I just think it’s sad that people don’t realize that virginity is a choice and an option. It is a gift. Who you give it to and why is your business. Some people have had it stolen from them by people they trusted, and some by people they didn’t even know. Some gave it to people who didn’t deserve it, and unlike other gifts, you can’t take it back from the person.
People make fun of us over 18 virgins in movies, music, TV, blogs, and magazines, but then they disparage the high rates of teen pregnancy and HIV. They berate abstinence education and promise keepers (an org. I have no affiliation with and no special liking for, I just respect what they try to promote) as being futile, outdated, and dangerous, then say the normal sex eduation is not helping. Octogenarians are getting STDs at higher and higher rates.
If you still have your virginity certificate, be proud of it and don’t let people make you feel bad for a personal decision you made that isn’t theirs, and if you don’t have it and you believe that was the right choice for you, don’t let people make you feel bad for that either. I don’t condone fornication, but I can’t make choices for other people, and they can’t make any for me. But I will say this: just because you are no longer a virgin, you don’t have to lose your self-respect and discernment. Don’t give your “coochie”, or your “peeps”, to any and everyone just because you feel it no longer has worth because it’s been used. Hey, people buy used vehicles that have been kept IN LIKE NEW CONDITION all the time. But if you’re a porn star or something, I guess that is your business and it is cool for you.
Saying it loud…I’m virgin and proud,
and just for fun…
- A feminine hygiene bar that helps to feel and smell clean even during menstrual period. Recommended for every day use.
The company has the tagline “Stay Young. Stay White” and specializes in placenta based products. Hmm…
This is a prank certificate I found…notice it says Ms. Goodbody’s virginity was “ascertained by most holy and spiritual examination”…and again Hmm…