So Mr. Perfect and I had a very interesting Sunday. We had quite a bit of interesting discussion, one of those hours-long conversations that you actually want to have. Quite a bit of our conversation was precipitated by the movie showcased on the left–Diary of a Tired Black Man. Well, partly precipitated by and partly used as a springboard to completely different topics of conversation relating to our own relationship. It was sort of a mash-up discussion of the ideas projected in the film and a “State of Our Union” address. But I am not here to talk about that right now.
I want to talk about this movie. I had started watching this half-drama/ half-documentary before and didn’t finish it because I was so offended, not necessarily even with the point that the man was making so much as with the fact that there was only one type of Black woman shown in the whole first half hour. You cannot convince me that a blackk man has only ever had experience with one kind of Black woman—his mother, a teacher, a woman at church…some woman he knew had to not be the Angry Black Woman stereotype ( I refuse to call it a “syndrome” as he does in the movie). Furthermore, you cannot convince me that in all his travels around the country, he couldn’t find one black woman who wasn’t mad as hell to talk to (he later proved me right on that one, and actually talked to women with some sense).
If you stick with it, there are quite a few talking points. Be warned, however; both Mr. Perfect and I disagree with some things in the movie.
- The drama part was extreme–no woman can be that way all the time and for NO reason. There are women who dog men, who are angry, who talk too much to their friends about their relationship and let their friends dictate their relationships, but the portrayal in this movie is off the rip.
- A lot of the problem could have been a cultural issue–he was from the caribbean, not an AA male. There was also an African male in the movie who discussed how different AA women are from African women. I agree. Women in different locales, while Black like me, are different. There is a legacy in the US segregation system that has forever distorted and ultimately for many people reversed the gender roles of AAs. Women could find work as domestics; men could not as readily find work. Women were given the opportunity to better themselves first, as America was/is still a bit scared by the Black male. Some of our men are still trying to assert their manhood and some of our women refuse to let go of the position of power in the family. It causes a lot of conflict. I agree it’s messed up, but it is what it is. If you don’t understand that right away and try to work from it, along with absentee fathers, previous bad experiences w/men, being bombarded with their mother’s and other older women’s negative views of Black men, then you may as well quit while you’re ahead.
- We never see what the relationship was like BEFORE they got married, and one scene shows him learning something about his wife of four years we believe he should have known a little earlier in the relationship. You get what you ask for, as even he admits in one scene.
Anyone who has seen this, heard of this, watched the trailer and want to say something–whatever, please please PLEASE comment. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go get familiar and then comment. But comment. A lot. PLEASE.