(I began this entry in my paper journal 8/15/09. I have been trying since to finish and post it. I hope someone out there gets something out of it. -2Blu2BTru)
I just had the best shower! It bordered on the spiritual. As a matter of fact it was spiritual. It wasn’t one of those “I feel spiritually unclean” spiritual showers, but one in which I began to marvel at all that I am and thank God for my body. This body that I have a love/hate relationship with, I began to appreciate and rediscover a love for.
I have a new bodywash. It is Caress’ Evenly Gorgeous–burnt brown sugar and karite butter. I use a cocoa butter soap. The Evenly Gorgeous bodywash is a major part of what does it. The smell is heavenly. After soaping and rinsing off, I squeeze a bit of Caress on the pouf. I close my eyes and inhale deeply. The smell swirls in my nostrils, soothing every nerve ending that has been stressed to the limit.
I lather the pouf and glide it around my neck, making a scarf of bubbles around my neck. I follow the V of my collarbone and glide up and down my arm, stopping to give attention to my elbows. The skin feels rough and ashy, so I circle it until the silk of bubbles softens it. I circle my breasts, larger than I thought I would like, but perfectly round, firm and centered. Many women would kill for these breasts. I glide over the soft swell of my stomach, bigger than I would like, but so feminine, this space allotted to me by God to be a part of continuing His creation. I swirl curlicues of suds over the slight shelf above my backside, over the rises and valleys below it, down and around solid thighs. I ski down the straight flat drop of my shins, trek back up the curving muscle on the backs of my calves. I clean in those places that have now become intimate–the backs of my knees, in between my toes, over my ankles.
None of it is sexual, just appreciative, reverent almost. It may seem funny, but I talk to God while I shower. Not praying, necessarily, but just talking–telling him what I want to accomplish today, who’s been on my mind lately, what worries me. I scrub off all of those things, reveal new skin to be burdened with the new worries of the day.
Whenever God gives us a moment of peace, we should take advantage of it, and thank Him for it. When he gives us a moment in which we see how wonderfully we are made, how beautiful we are despite anything we may feel because of what we think we should look like, we should thank Him even more.
Clean and Refreshed,