I’ve been trying for weeks now to get back to writing things down–what’s been happening with me as far as the apartment, my boyfriend, working, life in general–but I’ve been either too busy or too tired to bother with it all. Consequently, I have a laundry list of things I want to tellyou about my life, as well as random things I want to comment on that I’ve heard/seen/noticed lately. So, where do I begin? Well, in the spirit of being trivial, let’s start with something I heard.’
After some initial trauma over the XM/Sirius merger, I have adjusted. My new favorite channel is Cosmo Radio. I listen to Wake up with Taylor every morning Monday through Friday going to work. I get in my car as close to 7am as possible just to catch all “7 things You Need to Know Before You Go.” I scream in my car at the “No He Didn’t’s.” The topics are so good. Then there’s 5pm Cocktails with Patrick, we’ll come back to him, because what I heard on Wake up with Taylor jumped over everything else I wanted to talk about. Somewhere in New Jersey, a guy named Heath Campbell goes into a ShopSmart (where are theses stores other than NJ?) and tries to order a cake with his son’s full name on it and they refuse. Why? Because his son’s name is Adolph Hitler Campbell.
What?! But before you freak about Adolph and the satiska he previously requested, before you say this just isn’t blatantly racist enough, his daughter’s name (yes, he is still reproducing) is Joycelynn Aryan Nation Campbell–…moment of silence please…
First of all, what mother in her right mind would ever agree to name her children this way? Apple Martin (on step away from Apple Martini, mind you), Pilot Inspector, Denim and Story are bad choices, but Adolph Hitler and Aryan Nation? Secondly, why is this even legal to do. This is way beyond having your three year old on Jerry Springer giving the Hitler salute and squealing white power. I say both are child abuse. People learn to hate without prodding and provocation. Why do this to children? Is nothing sacred? Why set your children up to be victimized, beat up, picked on and withdrawn from? Childhood is hard enough. I am still trying to decide whether this is worse than my cousin, little Edi Amin (yes, pronounce Idi Amin, like the African dictator played by Forrest Whitaker in “The Last King of Scotland)…Hmm…I’m going to say it’s a tie.
To switch gears from news to music, has anyone heard the T-Pain, Lil Kim monstrosity that samples “Computer Love”? Why anyone would willingly give him permission to sample this song for this purpose is beyond me. I knew since he uses the vocorder, or however you say it, he would get around to sample the greatest one to ever do that, but to do so on a song with rhymes about Myspace, top eight, and Lil Kim doing freaky stuff for you on webcam? Again, I say, is nothing even remotely sacred?!
Speaking of music, one song is vastly appropriate for my friends right now. All the Single Ladies. This is what I call them in my head, all the single ladies. Mind you, some of them are happy singles, as I once was (before my boyfriend, who needs a cool nickname for blogging, so I’ve decided…but I’ll come back to that), but some of them are a little bitter. Why? Honestly, the bitterness just prolongs singleness, trust me. When all you want is a man, it’s the last thing you get. Once I was happy with being single and began doing things with my life (aka, stopped looking) I found one. Then I had to stop looking for him to be perfect. Go outside of your prereqs sometimes (not the important ones, but does he have to be 6’5″ and you’re only 5’3″? Does he have to have Indian in his family, or be the color of Special Dark Chocolate?) Of course, SOMEBODY is going to say I’m being insensitive to my single friends, but I was the single friend for…22 YEARS…you all have been single 2 years or less. I remember those days, but don’t be bitter. Be glad you can do whatever you want without having to tell a man anything, consider what he may want to do, wonder if you can still do this with a guy friend if you have a man, etc.
What else can I randomly talk about? I will save, Pete Weintz’s rude comments, Bad Girls Club, DaddyGate, the whole marriage kit and caboodle, and the Real Housewives of Atlanta for another random entry…which you hopefully will be reading and just share how sad I think it is that people have had to install security cameras and put lo-jack on baby Jesus and their nativity scenes. People are stealing baby Jesus statues at Christmas time. Is Hell even just a little bit hotter for people who put Satanic symbols on baby Jesus, who leave him facedown on their bedroom floors after they steal him from a neighbor? Not to mention they now make Santa Claus vibrators and Mexican Playboy a Virgin Mary look alike on their December issue holding, not baby Jesus, but her boobs. Seriously?
I guess there really isn’t anything sacred anymore. Not baby Jesus, baby names, Santa Claus, Roger Troutman, or singleness. But there sure is a whole lot that is ghetto…but that is the next entry.