Today is not a good day. As a matter of fact, the past few weeks have been nothing but bad days. The stresses of getting ready to go away, really go away, for the first time are really getting to me and the rest of my family. Each and every person feels like they are doing everything by themselves, and even if it’s not true, it really does feel that way, at least for me. It doesn’t help that I still have to do my usual chores as well as pack everything and make all the arrangements and decisions and keep track of everybody else.
My stepfather has been getting on my nerves even more than usual, especially since my nerves are already on overload. He has been sliding little comments into the conversations that make me upset, like saying, “Oh, you only clean up once a month anyway, so what are you complaining about?” or telling my mother while we talk about what all we have to do “Y’all doing all this stuff for her, I just hope it’s worth it.” As if I’m not going to graduate or make something of myself. I have enough of my own reservations without somebody else’s, someone who’s supposed to be on my side anyway.
Don’t even get me started on my real dad. He has been promising to take some of the financial burden off of us, but so far he didn’t pay for the U-Haul like he said he would, he didn’t take me to register, which meant I spent $60 unnecessarily because of him.
Of course, everyone is helpful enough to point out all of these things that I need to have to go to school and they know where to get it, but nobody has any money to buy any of this stuff that’s supposed to help me fit in. My family feels like certain things are beneath them, but they don’t seem to realize that no matter how high class they act, we are still poor and they can’t just say, “We are not going to be ghetto” and have this or that when no one has any money. We have to do what we have to do. I don’t know, it’s all just stressing me out.
And now all my aunts and my grandmother are trying to make me into a “lady,” trying to teach me to accessorize, wear make-up and start getting my eye brows arched, as if instead of going to college I’m going husband hunting. I feel like my head is about to explode.
Oh, and I didn’t mention all the pressure about my roommate. Apparently, “she has no idea what she’s in for.” Oh, and she’s a freeloader who isn’t bringing anything and I shouldn’t let her use my stuff. I’m too nice. Oh, and since I’m arriving before her, I should take the best spaces for myself; first come first served.
Sometimes, I wish I actually had the resources and the maturity to do all of it by myself, because everyone is driving me and themselves crazy. I can’t wait another week to leave. I was supposed to be leaving tomorrow. I was going to stay with Jackie, she and my mom were going to take me to school, and that was it. Now the whole family is going, including my grandmother to oversee things. Ugh.
Stay tuned for another misadventure of this almost grown woman…until the next time, keep it true, no matter how many feelings truth hurts!